So I was surprised to discover in conversation with a black man, that he believes that black women are more submissive to white men. He also mentioned that his views are shared by other black men.
So I thought about it objectively for a second...
Then I asked why he feels that way. His rationale was that “when black men tell women to do something, black women ‘always’ question black men, however when white men ask or require something of a black women that black women don’t question white men at all!”
So that got me thinking, and I came to the conclusion that there may be some validity in that statement.
Then I asked him to consider why this may be.
Now, he didn’t have an immediate response, which didn't come as much of a surprise to me, but I did. I told him that most often we see publicized how black men disrespect black women and treat them as accessories, until they are ready to marry or settle down. And sometimes, even after they settle down (in a relationship or marriage), they do not give women the respect they deserve.
We both agreed that there were truth in our perspectives.
Subsequently, I stated that there are black men who are either successful business owners, who represent wealth, or hustlers, who run the streets grinding and/or flashing money. The "flashing" of the money or the perception that a man represents "money", tends to encourage women to be/get "fine" and/or "sexy" in order to catch the eye of these men.
We understand, according to the bible, that money is the root of all evil, so it inevitiably clouds judgement, and that's why I believe we see more women willing to put up with disrespect from men in order to live "comfortably" or "to be taken care of". Esecially if all she has to do is get/be "fine" or "sexy".
Now what constitutes as "fine" or "sexy" flip flops over time. Iniatially men sought exotic women (foreign), then skinny women, then coke bottle frames but now you can see more acceptance of "plus-size" or "curvy" women.
But no matter the preference at the time, because men carelessly vocalize their idea of what they constitute as "sexy", they force women to embrace it and in turn women, because those are the men they seek, work hard to achieve their ideals.
After all, those are the women who ultimately get the money and attention from those men, right? So that's why so many women become motivated to "get fine" and be "sexy" in order to get a man's time, attention and money.
I said all that to illustrate the point that most black men are degrading it's black women for no other reason than to self-serve.
And I can't say it is always done with this intention, but because it is becoming increasingly popular, it is encouraged more and more.
I believe this behavior discourages women from self-love, and encourages them to change to meet their desires or expectations, without fully considering what that means and how that negatively impacts her psyche.
Conversely, this behavior has become so glorified that black women seek this type of attention from men, even when men show no real or initial interest in the woman or what love she is capable of showing him. Men seem to only see women's bodies, thus reinforcing the ideal for women to "look good", because she makes him “look good”.
But I find too that once men are ready to settle down, most often they persue another woman (different than the one who shaped herself for him), because most women allow men to seek and accept multiple women. And then still have an expectation of women to respect and submit to them.
But why should we submit?
Simply put we shouldn't, unless that man is our husband because submission is something that should be reserved for a husband. But it also should be looked at as a compromise not an expectation of behavior.
No one has to do anything, but when you love and are attracted to someone you want to make them feel valued, appreciated and honored and submission is a way to show those things.
But if a man lies to you, shows no regard for anything but your looks and/or repeatedly breaks your heart, he has given you NO reason to submit. He has shown you no respect. He has shown you no love. Nor has he given you reason to trust him, so quite naturally black women frequently question all of black men's motives, direction, judgement and behavior.
In hindsight, as a women, when you experience these situations and emotions, you naturally grow tired of it. You want something different, something better, therefore you seek a different man.
So consider the idea that typically white men, that want to date black women, do not treat them in the same manner.
As someone who has dated a European man, I can attest that there is a difference in dating men of different cultures and ethnicities. Most European males treasure their women (regardless of color) and treat them with honor and respect, either according to their ethnicity/culture or expectation of a relationship. Giving a woman no reason to question his loyalty, love or respect for her.
So why would a woman question his motives or intention?
Especially if he has given no reason or need to question his motives, direction, judgement and behavior.
Now keep in mind we are generalizing behavior, therefore it does not mean that every European, white or black man will act in this way.
But I had to ask him to think about why black men treat women the way they do, and expect us to submit without question?
He didn’t have an answer, but he strongly considered the question, whichwas all I could ask for.
The question did force him to consider his behavior and actions toward women and why it is that he is not meeting "black women's" expectation, so that she would "not question" him.
And while I was shocked that he initiated this conversation with that thought, I appreciated that we could discuss it without arguing...