Why Marriage Solutions Don't Apply To Single Folk Issues!
Beyonce' gave us the tea on her marriage and called it "Lemonade" and men and women all over the world are applying her marriage revelations to their current situationships and relationships.
Women are rationalizing forgiving infidelity outside of marriage, while men are mistaking Beyonce' forgiving her husband as a notion that all single women should abide by. But since when did married people solutions apply to single folk issues? Certainly not now, and I'm almost certain they never have.
Yes, Beyonce' asked you ladies to get in formation, but that didn't mean "play" married to try out the choices she made in her marriage to see if they would work for you in your situation or relationship.
And men, Beyonce' took back her HUSBAND. You got that? Her husband, so please don't be confused.
If your cheating on a woman who you have no intention of marrying, what would be her reason for taking you back? NONE. There's absolutely, no reason. And even if you had the "intention" to marry her, if you cheat before you marry her, that speaks to your inability to be faithful after you marry her. Therefore, you've given her no reason to stay or take you back.
So men let's stop encouraging women to forgive you when your not even a man worthy of her time or commitment. And while I say that with love, please understand that the choices that Beyonce' made in her marriage do not apply to you in your situation or relatoinship.
Well it's quite simple. We must recognize that Beyonce' experienced infidelity in her marriage, which is not the same as your boy/girlfriend of 12 years or your boo of 5 months cheating on you. So even though you may go through similar stages of recognizing and dealing with infidelity, (e.g. intuition, anger, apathy, emptiness, loss, accountability, reformation, forgiveness and redemption) that doesn't mean the way she handled infidelity in her marriage will or should work for you.
When you're not married, but recognize and decide to adhere to your intuition (accepting that your significant other is cheating on you), remember that you're still single, and free to leave without warning or hesitation.
It's like that "at-will" clause that you find in most offer letters from new employers;
As an at will employee, you will be free to terminate your employment with the Company at any time, with or without cause or advance notice.
Likewise, the Company will have the right to reassign you, to change your compensation, or to terminate your employment at any time, with or without cause or advance notice.
So you see, when your single, you should view your relationships as a "probationary period" for marriage, in that you're free to terminate the relationship at any time. If you don't want to end it and for whatever reason you feel like she/he is worth it, than make sure you believe with every fiber of your being that he/she will never cheat on you again. That's the only way you will be able to continue the relationship in the absence of fear and rebuild trust. And trust is necessary for sustainability. So be mad, express apathy, seek accountability from your partner for his/her actions and forgive, so that you can move forward knowing that you can trust your significant other wholeheartedly.
Now, if your in a situationship, none of this applies to you. I mean if your in a situation can you even be cheated on? Does that happen? And if it does, I hope no one who identifies themselves as being in a situationship, is taking the person back! They didn't even take you serious enough to be in a relationship in the first place! So take my advice and run away from them. Run as fast as you can and don't look back.
So what should you do with the information you received from Beyonce's Lemonade?
Nothing! Enjoy the music, sympathize and accept that Beyonce's choices, were simply that, her choices. Her outcome, was her outcome. And know that what worked for Beyonce' was exclusive to her marriage.
I think it is great that Beyonce' was so transparent and willing to express that she did everything she could to avoid terminating her marrige and losing a man she loves greatly. And that is commendable, especially because in all of the generations after our grandparents, we've seemed to lose sight of the fight needed to maintain marriages. So it's no surprise that married folk exhaust every method in order to hold on to their marriage (especially if it is worth holding on to). But if you can't get a divorce, you shouldn't be so forgiving in situations that have great potential to reoccur.
So know your worth. Don't waste your time. And remember that married people solutions don't apply to single folk issues!