Being "NICE" just doesn't work for me...
I don't know if it's just me, but when I try with all my might to be "nice", it just doesn't work for me.
I am one of those blatantly honest people. When I speak there are no holds barred.
But when I decided to just continue to be honest, no matter what people liked me, wanted to be around me or hated me, I said to myself that honesty is liberating to me. It makes me feel free, so I would continue to do it for me. And my intention would always be purely to help, not to hurt. But I realized that no matter how much that was true, truth hurts regardless to intent, especially when they are not ready for it.
So to help me build relationships with people, I made sure to make it very clear, that I am honest and that unless you ask me, I won't give my opinion. Because while people always say "be honest with me" you realize once they see what genuine honesty feels like, they don't want it as often as they think...
There are two types of moments that warrant unfiltered honesty, when you ask someone to be honest, and when you provide someone details or incite into a situation, and ask for their opinion.
When you ask someone to be honest with you, their intent is to give you what you wish. They don't intend to make you feel bad, but they are just going to be honest with you, per your request.
When you tell someone a story and ask their opinion, you leave yourself open to hearing things you may not want to hear. But you must be ready, because it isn't fair to ask that individual to give you their opinion, and refuse to accept it. It wasn't like it was unwarranted. So when they speak, don't get mad at their opinion. Be ok with knowing that person gave you what you asked for, their opinion without ill intention.
However, most often, even when people seek others opinion, if it doesn't match their own rationalization, they shun away from it. Make it seem as if that individual is either hating on them, or trying to hurt them, without even considering that person's intention.
But intention gets lost, in our lack of desire to confront honest. What that means, is that when we don't want the truth, we don't care about the intent. And if people actually understood this, I think that being nice could be easy for me...
I've realized that I have two types of friends and aquaintances, well let me make that three...
Type I - THE ONE WHO ACCEPTS ME
Type I people just get me. They let me be Audri and that's enough for them. They acknowledge my wisdom, filter me (internally) so that I don't have to be censored, and never require me to change.
Type II - THE ONE WHO IGNORES ME
Type II people will downplay any comment I make to "that's just Audri". Acting as if my unfiltered honest has no validity. They ignore my truths as if they are not relevant, and ignore me just the same. And for those people, until they are ready to accept that my honesty has no ill will, they will continue to disregard me.
Type III - THE ONE WHO PUTS UP WITH ME
Type III people tolerate me. They just swallow their comments because they believe nothing I could ever say could be truth, or they just chose not to face the truths presented in the moment, so they keep quiet until the moment passes.
I can classify each of my friends (and acquaintances) as a Type I, II or III. And I will probably get some questions after this post, but I must say that I know you all and not very many truly accept me.
Is that shocking for me? Absolutely NOT!
I believe that truly accepting someone is a large part of loving someone. And because this world suffers from truly understanding how to love, I'm not surprised by the small number of people who accept me.
Some of you may also be shocked that with this being my rationale, this would mean that I believe not many people I call friend truly love me. But that is absolutely how I feel. And that's family included.
Most families put up with one another because they don't truly accept them. And most people feel that they don't have to accept that person because they are family. But acceptance is apart of love. Yet most people don't believe so, because they think that just because you have a relationship with someone because he/she is family means you love that person.
I'm sure there are dozens of people who will agree that just because your related to someone, doesn't mean they love you or you love them. Which yields to my previous notion that you do not accept that person and that person does not accept you.
Families have a way of tolerating one another, and considering that love. But toleration only lasts for so long. And for the time that person is tolerated, you place them in a box, and keep them in a space where he/she may never escape. For their entire lives they will be limited to the person you have in that space, versus the person they truly are.
SOMETHING TO NOTE:
One way to identify if you don't truly accept someone, or visa versa, is to watch how much they irritate you and how much you can't stand when they are simply acting as they always are.
As humans we are built with intuition and an ability to feel energy. So all you have to do is focus on the energy someone gives you, or you give someone, in order to determine whether or not it's negative or positive.
Also consider how often someone asks you to change or be different.
Asking people to change is typically done to accommodate tolerance or lack of acceptance.
People who can't accept you, don't need to take up so much of your energy. Reserve that energy for you and loving someone who accepts you.
As a Virgo, we are known to be one of the most honest signs, but if you ask me to be honest, and I tell the truth, why would that be to hurt you?
Why can't that be nice?
I mean, that's how I intended it to be.
"But again, intention gets lost in our lack of desire to confront honesty." -Audreyanna Garrett
I believe that we live in a society where we're fed and encounter so much fallacy, that we shy away from anything that makes us accept reality.
And that's why being nice, will never work for me.