I composed a quote on Instagram using this phrase to explain how it felt when I got tired of trying. I was tired of putting forth the effort and being disregarded. I then told myself that I needed to put that experience in a post and give my readers 5 questions to ask themselves to help identify when to walk away, so I did just that.

5 Questions to ask yourself to help identify when to walk away!

Knowing When to Walk Away: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

1. How in love are you?

The bottom line is, don't waste your time if you're not in love. And if you don't have feelings for the individual that will grow into a sense of "being in love," again, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!

You know as well as I that if you don't walk away, you're just holding on to that individual until you come across something better. The sad thing is, you're hindering yourself and your significant other from contacting someone who may be made just for you/them. So, don't waste time in a relationship because you fear being alone or have nothing better to do. Just know that if you decide to stay for nothing, that speaks volumes about your character, so check yourself, let go, and move on...

2. Does the relationship hold the same value to your partner as it does to you?

Okay, now some of us seem to think that love feels the same to them as it does to their significant other.

First, let me encourage you to stop getting into relationships and making assumptions. Talk to the person you are in a relationship with. GET TO KNOW THEM. Learn how they view love, understand love and show love. Please, please get to know their expectations, desires, etc. Because when you do, you'll know whether your significant other values love, you and your relationship the same way you do.

Also, many of us associate time with worth. However, just because someone spends 10 years with you doesn't necessarily mean they value your relationship. They may be comfortable with you, considerate of your feelings, or like you, so they care about you. However, learn to recognize the difference between someone loving you and someone liking you, and WALK AWAY from relationships where you're only in "like" with someone!

Similarly, learn to understand that that when someone tells you that they are unable to love you they way you need or when you recognize someone is not capable of loving you the way you need to be love, ACCEPT THAT! Don't try to wait, be patient and hold their hand through their growth. Self-development is a process that must be navigated by yourself! It's ok to recognize when you don't have the tools, knowhow or time to support someone on their journey. So don't let their deficits stunt your growth.

3. Are you seeking change that may not come to you?

Ok, this question has two parts...

Part I

If you are waiting for someone to change for you, WALK AWAY!

In very few cases, individuals change simply for the pleasure of someone else or for the good of the partnership. Most times, when people change, they want to be the best version of themselves and/or the individual they are with. AND they are in a play in their growth journey to support weighing the pros and cons of development. So they are open to embracing change, but not eveyrone is in that place in their journey.

Therefore, just like you have to accept the negative (the things you may want to change), you have to take any change that your partner and significant other want to make that you may or may not agree with. WHY? An element of loving and being in love is practicing total acceptance. That means loving someone through each imperfection and accepting that they may never change. But if you're in a relationship with someone, hoping they change, you are wasting your time. WALK AWAY!

Part II

Considering an ultimatum? It may be time to WALK AWAY.

When considering ultimatums you must understand the risks. And your partner must understand the extent of the loss to determine whether it may or may not be worth it for them to change their behavior. They have to be able to rationalize for themselves the value/worth of making the change. But in order for them to do that, they would have to know or find your value.

Give them a chance to determine whether you are worth losing or holding on to. Otherwise, if you threaten to leave but stay, you're "the boy who cried wolf", and they won't take you seriously! Nor would there be any reason to consider the risk of losing you because you're not going anywhere!

So recognize that if you require change and someone to treat you better, and they don't change, they're telling you they're not going to change, and you will continue to see a repetition of that "bad" or undesired behavior...

When you realize that you're continuing to return to someone who does not know how to treat you, WALK AWAY! Change is not coming! Stop being blinded by hope, and have faith that something greater awaits you as soon as you let the individual who doesn't know how to treat you GO!

4. Are you comfortable?

I don't like that so many people will stay in a relationship because it's comfortable. Nothing great ever comes from being complacent. I believe that if I'm comfortable in a relationship, I'm not growing. So, I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where I'm not being fed spiritually, emotionally, sexually, etc. I need to be fueled with new experiences, lessons, etc. When you are comfortable and complacent in a relationship, it's like going to work, coming home every day, and eating the same thing. You will eventually get bored out of your mind and crave some adventure or change.

So why stay in comfort?

JUST WALK AWAY.

5. How different are you from the person you were when your relationship began?

Number 5 goes hand in hand with number 4. If you're the person who believes you are not comfortable in your relationship, that your partner challenges you to be your best self, and everything is good, when you ask yourself this question, you will be forced to come to terms with the fact that, you may not be challenged at all!

Relationships are meant to test and challenge your ability to be flexible, grow, develop, accept and love someone unconditionally. Those who realize they are the same person after being in a relationship for years, one of two things are true: 1) you are resistant to change , need to accept that you are comfortable or 2) nothing in your relationship has forced you to grow and develop, thus you are not challenged at all. And in turn wasting time! So WALK AWAY.

Especially if you're the person being resistant to change, that means you don't care enough about the individual to identify with their issues/concerns and be the best version of yourself for that person. The relationship is likely surface and does not have long term potential.

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