5 Questions to help identify when to walk away!
"I accept that my effort is no longer required!"-AudriWrites
I composed a quote on Instagram using this phrase to explain how it felt when I got tired of trying. I believed that this phrase embodied that I was tired of putting forth effort that was being totally disregarded. I then told myself that I needed to put that experience in a post, and give my readers 5 questions to ask yourself, to help identify when to walk away, so I did just that.
By the way, I am using a male GIF this week because I write for both men and women. Sometimes I'm not sure if I make that clear. But know that this process of learning, growing and becoming the best version of yourself, has no gender. So, unless I specify, my lessons and stories are for all, both men and women!
5 Questions to help identify when to walk away!
1. How in love are you?
Bottom line, if you're not in love, don't waste your time. And if you don't have feelings for the individual that will grow into a feeling of "being in love", again DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!
You know as well as I that if you don't walk away, you're just holding on to that individual until you come across something better. Sad thing is, you're hindering not only yourself, but also you are hindering your significant other from coming into contact with someone who may be made just for you/them. So, don't waste time being in a relationship because you fear being alone, or have nothing better to do. Just know, that if you make the decision to stay, for nothing, that speaks volumes about your character, so check yourself, let go, and move on...
2. Does the relationship hold the same value to your partner as it does to you?
Ok now, some of us seem to think that love feels the same to them, as it does to their significant other...
First, let me encourage you to stop getting into relationships and making assumptions. Talk to the person you are in a relationship with. GET TO KNOW THEM. Get to know their expectations, desires, etc. Because when you do, you'll know whether your significant other holds the same value in, and/or views you, and your relationship, the same as you do.
Also, many of us tend to associate time with worth, but, just because someone spends 10 years with you, doesn't necessarily mean they value your relationship. They may be comfortable with you, they may be considerate of your feelings, or they may like you as a person so they care about you. However, learn to recognize the difference between someone loving you and someone liking you, and WALK AWAY from relationships where you're only in "like" with someone!
I don't know about you, but I'd rather spend 3 years in love, than 15 years in like...
3. Do you want to see change that isn't coming to you?
Ok, this question has two parts...
If you are waiting on someone to change for you WALK AWAY! In very few cases do individuals change simply for the pleasure of someone else. Most times when people change, it's because they want to be the best version of themselves for themselves and/or the individual that they are with.
Therefore, just like you have to accept the negative (the things you may want to change), you have to accept any change that your partner and/or significant other wants to make, that you may or may not agree with. WHY? Because apart of loving and being in love is practicing total acceptance (loving someone through each imperfection and accepting that they may never change). But if you're in a relationship with someone, hoping they change, you are wasting your time. WALK AWAY!
If you are requiring someone to treat you better (change) WALK AWAY. Requiring this type of change takes time. The individual must understand the extent of the loss, in order to determine whether it may or may not be worth it to them to change their behavior. They have to be able to rationale for themselves the value/worth of making the change. But in order for them to determine your value, you must WALK AWAY!
Give them a chance to determine whether you are worth losing or holding on to. Otherwise, if you threaten to leave, but you stay, then you're basically the boy who cried wolf, and they won't take you seriously! Nor would there be any reason to consider the risk of losing you, because you're not going anywhere!
So recognize that if you require change, and/or someone to treat you better, and they don't change; they're basically telling you they're not going to change, and you will continue to see repetition of that "bad" and/or undesired behavior...
At the point you realize that you're continuing to return to someone who does not treat you in an acceptable way, WALK AWAY! Change is not coming! Stop being blinded by hope, and have faith that there is something greater waiting on you, as soon as you let the individual who doesn't know how to treat you GO!
4. Is this comfortable?
I despise the fact that so many people will stay in a relationship because it's comfortable. Nothing great ever comes from being comfortable.
I believe that if I'm comfortable in a relationship, I'm not growing. So I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where I'm not being fed, spiritually, emotionally, sexually, etc. I need to be fueled with new experiences, lessons, etc. When you are comfortable and complacent in a relationship, it's like going to work and coming home everyday and eating the same thing. You will eventually get bored out of your mind and/or crave some adventure or change. So why stay in comfort? JUST WALK AWAY.
5. How different are you, from the person you were when your relationship began?
Number 5 definitely goes hand in hand with number 4. If you're the person who believes you are not comfortable in your relationship, that your partner challenges you to be your best self, and everything is good, when you ask yourself this question, you will be forced to come to terms with the fact that, you may not be challenged at all!
Relationships are meant to test you and challenge your ability to accept and love someone unconditionally. Only those who realize that they are the same person either due to being resistant to change or just not being challenged at all, need to accept that they are comfortable. And wasting time! So WALK AWAY.
Especially if you're the person being resistant to change, that basically means you don't care enough for the individual to identify with their issues/concerns, and be the best version of yourself for that person. You still don't grasp the fact that there's a basic principle of selflessness, that is necessary in love and when being in love with someone.
So if you just want to continue to waste time, then remember that speaks volumes about you as a person and your character. Plus, the moral of the post is to WALK AWAY from relationships that just aren't grounded in love...