A broken home didn’t break me...
I was recently captivated by author and IG personality, Derrick Jaxn's post on social media to The Game. Now, for the sake of content clarity, Cardi B's husband Offset cheated which resulted in separation. Unfortunately when Offset publically apologized it gave the internet permission to comment, so The Game posted that he was sad that at least half of the women commenting were encouraging Cardi B to move on. The Game then states, "How do you all think marriages lasted so long back in the day? it wasn't because someone moved on after every little incident."
Derrick commented, in reply to The Game referring to Offset's infidelity as an "incident", that he agreed with how the internet handled The Game for his ridiculous comment, and wouldn't elaborate on that, but additionally that he was disappointed that men want to refer to and blame women for broken homes after they have cheated and got caught stepping outside of that home. Jaxn said that men always talk about the cause of the "broken home" but fail to accurately discuss how he may have broken his women's heart, but then turn around and blame women for using children as pawns, without acknowledging that they (men) do the same thing when they get caught up/caught cheating.
I couldn't agree more with Derrick and it lead me to consider how I may have been impacted by a broken home and what it looks like as a child, versus an adult.
Unfortunately my parents divorced when I was at the age of 3 years old. It wasn't until I was over 25 that I was told the reason why my parents split. Unsurprisingly, in short, my father cheated on my mother and she left him.
However, I remember as a child my father, while hurt by my mother leaving, would indeed call my mother names for them not being together, in place of acknowledging what he did the wrong that caused them to split. So essentially Derrick was right in his analysis that men fail to take accountability for their behavior, which yields to women being blamed for holding them accountable (breaking the home).
I loved my father as a child, and while I don't currently have a relationship with him, I (if nothing else) can look back and see how much love he had for my mother, how much regret for his actions and how much sadness he failed to process from that experience.
As a women today, and a product of a broken home, truthfully not growing up in a two parent home made stronger as a women. I didn't always know why my parents split, but I was able to see my mother work hard to better herself and ensure that my sisters and I always had the things we needed. I could have easily resented her for not being as present, but I understood her responsibility and/or obligation as a mother and appreciated that she was willing to go the extra mile to make sure that my sisters and I never went without. Something that I don't believe a lot parents consider.
Problem is culturally we demoralize broken homes, but they have just as much probability of success as the culturally acceptable image of a "successful" marriage!
And unfortunately I know too many people, who grew up with both of their parents married, and some still married, that have become adults who are not self-sufficient. Adults who have been coddled or sheltered and have no idea how to bounce back from the trials of life. Individuals who rely more on their parent's network rather than understanding the importance of developing their own. Adults who grow to believe that their issues are their parents and take that into their marriages. So they become men and women who fail to establish their independence and essentially blame their parents for not giving them the tools (know how).
At some point we have to make a decision not to allow the choice's of our parents to become our reality. We are very capable adults with the ability to make our own decisions and choices to be individuals who are better. Essentially all our parents want is for us to be better than they are or were anyway.
We have to know that just because marriages lasted back in the day, it doesn't mean that women should accept anything and deal with anything to keep their family together. Truth be told, divorce doesn't mean "broken home". Divorce means I am making a choice for my own happiness and/or I accept that we can't move on from these differences. Instead parents use children as a way to provoke behavior change when children are not pawns, they are innocent bystanders to their parents choices.
I am certain it would have done me more harm than good to continue to see my father cheat on my mother, as I noted (at the age of 8) he was doing to his current wife...