Where are all the good men? Part III (Don't take my crown!)
While on social media the other day, I saw a post by a black man that was speaking to black women, who refer to themselves as "queens". The post suggested that black women who don't carry themselves as queens (essentially women with butt implants, unnatural hair, etc.), whom do not possess those qualities, should not refer to themselves as queens.
As a black woman I was certainly offended. Not only because of the comments and support for this mentality, but because a black man was so willing to strip a woman of her crown!
I think the problem with today's society is that we continue to place blame on women for trying to meet the mold desired by men. It can be interpreted that women were created (according to Christian principle) as an extension of man, and set forth to be the companion and procreate with man. Thus, it should be no surprise that women seek the attention of men. Now granted that attention is not always positive, and that's the thing that some women have to remember, that if man doesn't create the standard of behavior that puts us in a positive light, we should NOT accommodate his desire. But instead, we women should walk in our worth and set the standard for him.
So, while it can certainly be said that one responsibility of a woman is to establish the basis for her worth and value, it can certainly be said that it is also the responsibility of man to reinforce that value and/or worth. Which is certainly NOT done as often, socially, today.
So just like WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN? addressed the disrespect and dishonor of women by men, and lack of action by those men who proclaim to be good, and WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN? Part II addressed the lack of accountability of Good Men who fail to recognize their role in the devaluation and perception of women, Part III, will question man's ability to so willingly strip women of their crown...
Dear Good Man,
Why is it that I continue to be misunderstood by you?
Why is it, that, you choose to strip me of my value?
Even after I tried to understand your point of view.
I get that sometimes it's made easier for you to defame me. I see that setting the standard for respecting and honoring me (women) can be hard for you. So I recognize that you get a pat on the back for setting me straight, but you see you also forget that hurts me too. You don't see that flowers, cards, candy and social apologies won't remedy me. So, in most cases, I am left "inexplicably" broken, and you dare not fix me...
You kick me while I am down. You repost my naked (or half-dressed pics), in salute that I am the women you crush on for the week, but you never remind me that I am better than the lack of confidence I exhibit.
And in case you still remain clueless, your lack of respect, support and honor leaves me empty. And I often can't come back from it, but I am expected to. I am required to see myself as beautiful, even if the man I hold most dear to me does't assume responsibility for making me feel unacceptable.
Because, despite it all, I still see you as my king, so I aim to please you.
I understood that I was bred to cater to you, but when I do, you find a way to damage me too. And punish me when you fall short of my expectation. You know I have rules too? Expectations and standards you won't even listen to...
So, I decided to conclude, that I will never be enough for you. Too many different standards you set. Too many expectations for me to assume, and far too many contradicting rules to be held to.
I am supposed to be what you need, but that changes like the wind and I am constantly trying to "evolve" to suit you.
And even after all your requests, and you throwing in my face that women of another race are better mates for you, I still try to find ways to meet my needs, as well as succumb to you. Yeah you know that thing we now refer to as weave, previously requested by you, now you can't stand it. Natural is the movement, so I have to revert back, "evolve" back to the original, without edges or a curl pattern that's pleasing to you...
And still you expect me to be accommodating and submissive, be independent and self-sufficient. I need to be confident while being torn down. Or optimistic when all of my failed relationships were with men I can't rely on.
Even then, according to you, I'm too strong, too weak or lack self-worth and value. To easy, to gullible, to malleable, and again hardly appreciated by you.
So, because I no longer check off the boxes for you, you take the only thing that was never given to me by you.
You break me, without willingness to, repair the damage.
And I am so worn down I have to start new. So, instead of formally denouncing my crown, try to recall that you too set the rules. And I, I am merely trying to accommodate you.
I am stuck in a lose lose, because I am doomed with or without you...
You, "Good Man", should try to be more encouraging, help me remember the crown that's situated between my ears. Help me adjust it when it's crooked, instead of bringing me to tears.
But you should never remove my crown.
PLEASE DON'T TOUCH IT.
It doesn't belong to you!
I am a queen, and I should always be a queen to you...