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Taking it to the Grave...

January 5, 2016

 

Oh the infamous topic of secrets! That forces us to accept that secrets can and will eat at you! 

 

In the past, I will admit that I was very much so guilty of encouraging someone else and myself to keep a secret. Unfortunately keeping secrets does not ensure happiness. Withholding truths about yourself and others often eat at your conscious. And while we all have the capacity to determine what is right from wrong, we most certainly know that telling the truth is better than lying, or omitting the truth to keep from sharing a "secret". 

 

Omitting the truth is indeed betryal, however I find that more so as an adult we shy away from the truth in relationships. And that is in any kind of relationship. We want others to see, know and think only want "we" want them to. Then we get lost in the facade, and that person will never get to know who we truly are!

 

I have not always been as forthcoming, because I am typically scorned for being inconsiderate of people's feelings. But I embrace the notion that truth hurts. And will only share my truth with people who understand this and value honesty as I do.

 

Even with this notion, as I grew wiser I worked on trying to change my approach, being more considerate of feelings and how people receive truth. And even if I am not as forthcoming, initially, at some point I will voice my concerns, opinions and/or feelings. So I ask people to take my truth for what it is, and that keeps me from shying away from withholding truths and reduces my ability to be able to keep secrets.  

 

After understanding the postive affects of truth, I firmly believe in honesty. I have developed a mindset where I encourage everyone I am in a relationship with, whether it be friendship, sibling, mother-daughter, father-daughter, romantic, etc. to be honest with me about everything. If you believe that knowing the truth is more beneficial than knowing a lie than you empower yourself to set an expectation of honesty.  

 

Now understand that people make judgements based on the information they are given. Based on the information shared, the "truth", and depending on the situation, the information shared determines the level of criticism given or received.

 

However, typically, we do not fully understand the importance of "truth" because we don't realize that people have varying opinions of "what matters". For some the smallest issues can be excusable or catastrophic, and for others larger issues can be excusable or catastrophic. It is not our role to dictate what will or will not be important to someone else, but it is our role to stay true to ourselves, and be open and honest with others. Give them the opportunity to say why the truth hurts or why it's "ok".  

 

We need to actively try and stop allowing secrets to shield us from the truth. Because secrets keep us from reaping the consequesnces of our actions. Secrets also keep us from love and acceptance. 

Because you never know what someone who loves you is willing to "forgive". 

 

Don't keep yourself from forgiveness, because you want to keep "secrets".  -Audreyanna Garrett

 

So, I pose a couple of questions to you...

 

How many of you deem withholding infidelity from a partner ok (whether married or unmarried) if he or she does not find out? Why or Why not?

 

How many of you are dealing with secrets that are tearing you up inside? Will you ever tell? Why or Why not?

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