A male friend of mine posted a comment on Facebook sometime ago that said, in summary, men lie becuase 80% of the time, the truth gets rejected...
He went on to state that he believes that telling the truth is not a trait that women favor.
As usual, I'm challenged to be objective and give consideration to multiple scenarios that may make his rationalization true. And I had to admit, that it did indeed have some truth to it.
I believe that some women want to hear lies, commonly referred to "white lies", when they ask a man (their partner or mate) how fat they are, or if they need to workout, etc.
But will a woman really reject a man only because he tells her the truth?
My immediate response was NO.
So, in response to his post, I provided two possible reasons why women reject men who tell the truth.
First, I stated that typically women do not reject the truth, we often times simply reject how the truth was delivered.
Secondly, I advised that a women who rejects the truth either has no interest in it or can't identify with it, so in turn she no longer likes the man because of it.
Now allow me to elaborate further...
Reason (1)--"typically women do not reject the truth, we often times simply reject how the truth was delivered."
If I ask my man "Baby, do you think I am fat?", and he replies with:
A) "Of course."/"Hell yes!" (yes, as a matter of fact)
B) "You want me to lie or tell the truth?" (preparation for a lie based on the response)
C) "Nooooooo, of course not"(which suggests lying by omission or for the sake of not hurting feelings)
No matter which response he uses of the three, I, as a woman, take the delivery to mean what is provided in parentheses. Therefore I would most definitely feel a way about how he sees/views me.
His response forces me to consider a couple things: 1) Is he really satisfied with me? or 2) Does he love me?
Now consideration of these two things either clarifies his perception of me, or, makes me insecure.
Either way, as a woman, if I know my worth, I walk away from him (reject him) because of a new found perception of my inability to satisfy him. And his lack of acceptance and appreciation of me, as is.
The last possible response a man could give to the aforementioned
question would be:
D) "I don't care what size you are, you will always be beautiful to me." (suggests truth and is widely accepted).
This response is widely accepted because while it is true, it doesn't mean she is not fat, it means that to him the way she looks never changes. And from that delivery she may take it upon herself to address herself esteem issues, or for now be ok with how she looks.
But, if the relationship is new, or a man and woman is getting to know one another, and he tells her the truth, regarding her size and she rejects him, it means she either recognizes that you all not a good fit, or she is insecure, and needs to work on loving herself more or better.
In hindsight, his opinion/truth was not rejected based on its truth, but on how it was delivered, and how that delivery was perceived.
Reason (2)--"women who reject the truth either have no interest in it or can't identify with it."
I believe it's more of what that "truth" represents that gets a man rejected, than the act of telling the truth itself.
Now if I am in a relationship with a man and I ask him how many partners he has had, or if he has slept with anyone I know, and he responds with the truth (whatever that may be), if I reject him, it will not be because he told me the truth. I would reject him only if I do not like "his truth".
If I cannot accept that he has slept with someone I know or has had too many partners, I will walk away from him. I won't deal with something that doesn't make me comfortable or that is displeasing to me.
Men do this all the time to women. When women are honest and "truth tellers" we are often rejected by men who can't take our truths. But I would never condone lying because I can't take someone's truth.
The objective is to find and be with someone that you like or love enough to accept all of their truths. -Audreyanna Garrett
At any rate, honesty from a man is not rejected based on the fact that it is honest alone. It's rejected, based on the inability to accept it as fact or opinion...
So in summary, men lie not because women can't accept their truths, but because they do not want immediate rejection. But rejection is no reason to lie. You have to keep dating until you find the person who accepts all of you.