This post derived from a question and brief discussion on whether a man would truly be able to deal with an "unemotional" woman.
I can't, for the life of me, understand why men have a hard time understanding that we, women, were made in opposition for a reason. And even with the basic understanding of this idea, it still seems to be hard for men to understand that all women were created to express emotions different from them?
So, just like Steve Harvey wrote the "playbook" for women on men, MEN, allow me to give you this post to help you understand how to accept the female expression of emotions.
My intent is that you come to realize things that you accept, won't annoy or upset you as much.
Too often I hear men complaining about how emotional women are. And while women do express emotions very differently from men, fellas let's not ignore the fact that you all express emotions as well.
I know you may not want to believe this, but your cries in the dark or your fits of jealousy or rage, are too displays of emotion.
Face it, we are all emotional.
But, men tend complain that women expressing emotions is "undesired". I find this to be very interesting, especially because again, men you
too express emotions!
But let's say that there were such a thing as an "unemotional being" (hypothetically speaking). Consider this question, if you were in a relationship with an unemotional woman, could you really deal with her?
And while I believe that majority of men would answer this question with "YES", without hesitation; I can promise you that an unemotional woman is NOT what you want. So stop complaining!
But let's say you could, deal with an unemotional woman, because you feel that emotional women are just too much; I ask that you take a moment to envision a world void of emotion or an "emotional women"....
Can you see it?
A world void of empathy and sympathy. No one caring about anything...
What would be the use of a world void of feelings? Why would you seek love in the absence of feelings? What would be the point of love?
A world void of emotionless individuals leaves much to question. And frankly, I don't know anyone who would agree that being in a world filled with only unaffected/unemotional people would be bearable.
So, while I understand that you want to believe that some women are just too emotional, I believe that you just need to accept that expressing emotions is natural and necessary. So don't blame women, for expressing all that you don't know how to express in the absence of shame.
"The greatest lesson of acceptance, comes with acknowledging that you can not change anyone other than yourself"-Audreyanna Garrett
There are men in this world who intentionally provoke emotional responses in order to gage a women's reaction. Typically done with the intent to determine her level of love for him.
I bet most men don't even realize how often you look for women to respond emotionally so that you know that she cares. So the same emotional responses that you hate, you seek for clarity or understanding!
But let's say that is not you. Let's say you're one of the men who can not read a woman's emotions, and if that is you, I can certainly understand why it would be so frustrating to you.
So in efforts to help you gain clarity, here are a few examples of emotion and what the emotional responses from women should mean to you.
5 EMOTIONS MEN SHOULD LEARN TO RECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND
When a woman cries, it's a clear sign of pain, hurt, confusion, shame, neglect or despair.
One of the greatest things in life is love, and it's certainly sought by many women, but when you can not have a clear idea of one's future in life or in a relationship, it (love) becomes frustrating. And frustrated people hurt others. Confusion also hurts and causes pain.
The lack of clarity in love is the most complicated thing. When you begin a relationship you tend to build bonds and establish a basic connection without clear expectation. The lack of clarity of what you expect from a relationship, turns into hurt and pain when you realize you and your partner are NOT on the same page.
No wonder so many experts encourage those in relationships to spend time getting to know one another. Understanding one another includes understanding their expectation of the relationship. If you're adults, and you realize you are not on the same page, you can agree that you want different things amicably and move on. When you are still immature in love, you cause pain and sadness from the inability to identify this early on.
Pain and hurt also come from lack of desire or understanding of love. It is important to constantly consider your expectation of the relationship, so you can measure the amount of love and desire to continue.
Again, once you realize it's not want you want or who you desire to be with, don't stay for the sake of "not hurting" someone. That's an oxymoron. The individual will be hurt regardless to if that was your intent or not. Your honesty will determine how that individual responds to hurt!
Fear is a sign of uncertainty. When you do not send clear signals or communicate clearly your needs/desires, long term or short term goals, women express fear through nervousness, tenseness and worry.
When she worries you, she is more or less terrified and scared of trusting you.
Women who operate in fear, you've probably either given no reason to trust you, or has issues from her past that have hindered her ability to be able to trust you. So if you want to counteract that fear, you will need to be patient, and work to ensure that she has no reason not to trust you.
As the saying goes, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".
I'm sure rage and anger is one of the emotions every man recognizes. And I'm sure you know that women express anger though vengefulness, agitation, frustration, hostility, hate and spite.
So what's he lesson to be learned here?
Well, I believe that there are more ways women express anger other than throwing/breaking things or keying cars, etc.
Silence can mean many things in a relationship, and while silence sometimes means nothing, silence is often expressed as a way to try and suppress anger and rage.
But too often men take that as an ok, or think "until she says something, I'm not going to bring it up..." Problem is fellas that you don't want to deal with a woman at the brink of a silent rage, because you don't know what it will look like in the end. But incase you want the extreme view, check out snapped! That's what it looks like when you fail to address things and want to think everything is ok!
And for those men who think their girl is quiet and incapable, I tell you now, those are the ones who will strike the hardest. Don't walk in the assumption that any woman is exempt from rage. As a man, loving that woman, it is your job to ensure that you give her, everything that she gives you, at the very least.
If you ever come across a woman and recognize she doesn't know how to express anger through verbal communication, RUN! You can't help her, she has to help herself. And until she reaches a point where she accepts and wants to change this behavior, she is no good to anyone.
Believe it or not jealousy is a clear sign of an attention seeker who is insecure and lacks the ability to trust. Women who most often act in jealousy were either void of attention as a child from their father, or witnessed their mother be very meek and shy when it came to gaining attention from their father. In either case, the father was either never home, or nonexistent in the home, therefore creating a void of attention. So in adulthood, those women tend to crave attention.
Now there are other scenarios that would warrant an individual to become an attention seeker, however those are the main two. The other would stem for maternal relationships and sibling relationships. If the individual believed herself to be mistreated or not as recognized as the other children in the eyes of her mother, if not addressed, the past turns into an adult desire to gain and keep attention/focus of another to feel loved.
However, jealousy with respect to insecurities, derive, simply, from lack of self love. Anyone who is confident in themselves and love who they are will never be jealous.
Being jealous is not about what happened, but about what one anticipates occurring. Which is why it's typically expressed by those who are insecure or fearful of the future. Again not having a clear idea of the expectation for the relationship can be the cause of jealousy.
When a woman loves you, she can be clingy, which men tend to despise, unless they are clingy themselves.
Women who are clingy believe in the love you share and are happy to have you.
Clinginess doesn't always mean obsessed or insecure; it could very well mean they have no other desire to be with anyone but you. And maybe she hasn't had any relationships where she felt that way, so she doesn't know how to express the love in other ways, outside of "being together all the time". This happens quite often.
Many do not understand the concept of love so, how to express it is also foreign.
Clinginess should be a sign of love for you, but should also be a sign of social awkwardness.
The socially awkward tend to cling to people they feel most comfortable with. In order to turn clinginess into quality time, you need to help the woman see that being social is ok too. She should find comfort in social settings, just as much as she finds comfort in you.
The last is the most evident, love and joy are exhibited through equitable amounts of adoration, pride, optimism, passion, compassion and bliss.
It's that sparkle in her eyes, that smile for no reason, the motivation to give you everything she can to ensure your happiness. That is what joy and love in the best sense look life.
Unfortunately, love and joy turn to hurt, sadness, pain, anger, rage, fear and anxiety really quickly because they are often taken for granted, by men who either are not ready for it, or don't want it from the one willing to give it to you.
Men, when you recognize that the woman you're with is not the one or you're not ready to accept the love she has to offer, BE HONEST with her. Tell her why you can't love her the way she loves you. She may not immediately understand it, but she will appreciate your honesty.
And while she may experience pain for a short while, your honesty kept her from becoming angry and being scorned. She will be ok to try and love again, because she knows that didn't do anything wrong...
MEN: Moral of the post is, establish clear expectation for the relationship. And as that expectation changes, because sure to communicate the changes, and be HONEST.
Let go of the distaste and frustration with the amount of emotion women express and learn how to recognize and accept it.
How you respond to emotion is a reflection of your character. And how you respond to women is a reflection of your value for her...