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What you really want/need more than a Valentine on Valentine's Day...

February 14, 2017

 

As a child your parents were the first to be your Valentine.

 

In elementary school, your entire class participated in the Valentine's Day celebration. And you looked forward to writing notes and sharing candy, cupcakes, pencils and cards with your classmates. Valentine's Day fundamentally became a day to share love and be considerate of all.  

 

But once you entered into middle school, Valentine's Day took on an entirely new meaning. It was no longer viewed as a day to share love, but a day to be chosen and/or recognized. And from that point on into your adulthood, Valentine's Day became a day celebrated by some and dreaded by others.  

 

Now fast forward to present day, and you may notice that three types of people exist on Valentine's Day:

 

Person 1:

 

The hardworking parent/spouse/significant other who spends more time at the office than he/she does at home...

 

Person 2:

 

The one who spends every moment possible with his/her spouse, children or significant other, but if he/she doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day it's the end of the relationship...

 

Person 3:

 

The one who is always alone on Valentine's Day, with hope, each year, that it will be different...

If you are either of these three persons, I have a couple questions for you...


What's the big deal about the act of celebrating Valentine's Day?  

 

Why do we need Valentine's day to reaffirm love? 


If I had to guess, I believe it's because sadly love is not in surplus. And granted our individual perception of love evolves over time, Valentine's Day was America's way to capitalize on the fortunes of those men and women who spend countless days and nights in the office, instead of being home with their families. And for those pitiful men and women who lost the trust of their spouse or partner and use Valentine's Day as a way to try and place a value/price on forgiveness...

 

All things considered, Valentine's Day became a way of saying "'Although I'm never home' or 'I am really very sorry' I love you enough to think about you on February 14th". Thus allowing people to established a pattern of forgiveness, exhibiting desperation and/or displacing the point of the celebration of love.

 

In turn, Valentine's Day allows us to rationalize staying in relationships where we are starved of affection. And yes I said and meant affection, not attention. Because although they go hand in hand, to me, there's no way that one would be able to give affection in the absence of attention.

 

So what is it that we are really seeking?  
 

Could it be the attention of the one we love?  

 

Well, I personally think that it varies.  

 

If you're Person 1, you may feel insecure about your absence or feel better about being a "provider" than you do parenting or being a spouse.

 

And in this case you should work on being a better parent and partner, instead of writing yourself out of your child/spouses lives.

 

Especially since children have a way of truly making you (as a parent) understand that time is more valuable than money. And no amount of money should supersede your desire to connect with/relate to your child(ren) or spouse.

 

If you're Person 2, either you or your spouse place way too much value in a Valentine's Day than actual love. Maybe you two could benefit from having a conversation of what is most important to you in your relationship. Because I can't understand how you could spend so much time together and still hold so much value in this one day each year.  

 

Not celebrating Valentine's Day should not be a reason to terminate a relationship. And if you feel that it is, your motives for being in the relationship are in question.

 

If you're Person 3, what are you really missing? What is it about being alone on Valentine's Day that scares you? Is it the companionship you desire? Or is it the longing to publicly showcase that you are capable of being chosen? Because whatever it is, it screams that you're desperately looking for someone to love you, the way you should love you. Because if you truly loved you, hoping for a Valentine would not annually consume you...

Granted that there's no real purpose for gift giving on Valentine's Day, especially since gifts are either an expression of guilt for love not expressed daily, or an expression of love from those who do not know how to express love in general. Gift giving ultimately takes away from the true value of love, because when you truly love, and are in love, you are inspired by that love, and you don't need the world to tell you to show love on February 14. You will make the effort to reinforce that love every day you walk this earth.

 

TAKE AWAY:

 

Don't run from my blog screaming that Audri is anti-V-Day because she can't get a man. I personally have chosen in my past relationships to make Valentine's Day the least important day in my relationship.  Valentine's Day for me, is deemed as any other day. Because I have never, nor will I ever, starve my significant other of my love, so that day has no significant purpose.

 

Also please note that I am not telling you that you have to feel bad about showering your loved one with gifts and tokens of your affection on V-Day. Because if you are doing this with the right motivation, you have nothing to question. 

 

But I am requesting that when you read this post and ask yourself some of the questions embedded in this post, that you be honest and allow yourself to admit if something isn't quite right.

 

I urge you to examine your deficits.  

 

I encourage you to address and diminish insecurity.

 

I challenge  you, to start going on more dates for one (you) than seeking dates with others.  

 

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