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Situationally single FOREVER...

April 4, 2017

 

One of the joys of being single is that you can be free to date as often as you like. 

 

However, many of us date with the idea that "situation-ships" are "relationships" that lead to marriage. And if you truly believe that, you may be single forever. 

 

In order to be open to a new relationship, it's important that we either define or terminate "situation-ships". 

 

A common misconception is that "situations" turn into relationships after years, but if you didn't set the boundaries on the "situation" before it began, chances are, you'll be in that "situation" until you walk away. 

 

There are 3 necessities for transitioning a situation-ship into a relationship: 

 

1) Expectations

2) Boundaries

3) Desire

 

If you don't have either of those things, it's quite possible that you will miss out on your potential husband or wife because you fail to redefine or walk away from a "situation".  

 

Is this you?


Many of you may be honest, but for those of you who can't answer the question, to keep you from answering yes to the above, here's how to turn your situation-ship into a relationship.

 

3 necessities for transitioning a situation-ship into a relationship!

 

1) EXPECTATIONS

 


Most often expectations are confused with standards, so let me start off with a definition. Expectation is defined as a set of outcomes that are believed (or expected) to occur based on one's desires. And that is most often without consideration to the individual responding to those 

outcomes. 


The lack of clarification, or inability to set expectations in a situation-ship, hinder the "situation" from becoming anything more.

 

The discussion of expectations is important for any real relationship to form. 

 

Why?

 


Well it is because expectations allows for intimate conversations. Conversations that yield to partners getting on one accord with regard to the future of the relationship.

"Where there's confusion and mystery, there will never be clarity..." -Audreyanna Garrett (AudriWrites)


No one ever enters a relatioship with a person they are not sure likes them. No one wants to risk putting themselves out there (for the most part), if the other party does not feel the same way.

 

Expectations, when addressed appropriately, impact change. Situations stay situations, because necessary conversations that take a situation to any level beyond its current, fail to occur. 

 

But unfortunately most often, situations stay situations because one party or both fear the desire for anything more.

 

So know that if you can't or won't discuss expectations in your situation, you will probably remain in that situation forever... 

 

2) BOUNDARIES

 

The lack of boundaries will certainly have you tied to a situation-ship permanently. But what people fail to realize is that you can just as easily develop feelings in a situation, as you can in a relationship.

 

How?

 

Well, when there aren't clear boundaries, you don't know how to manage the feelings or emotions. 

 

And the problem is that most situations shy away from boundaries because typically the parties involved don't want to put boundaries on fun. Yes admit it, situations usually become situations because neither party requires commitment.

 

So how do you establish boundaries in a situation?


The moment you feel like you're catching feelings for someone you're in a situation with, you can start small, e.g. set contact boundaries, what time to call before, or what time not to come over after. Don't answer your phone after midnight. Don't accept lies. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated, disrespected or devalued because you don't have a title.

 

And thankfully, it's easy to recognize resistance to boundaries. Resistance to boundaries, is a clear sign that the situation-ship will never be anything more than a "situation".

 

3) DESIRE

 

The most important of the three is desire, the willingness to take the situation to something greater. 

 

Too many people focus more on what they want, without consideration to the other party's desire.

 

And many of us do not realize that situations stay situations because 

quite frankly the other party desires nothing more from you or with you. And that goes visa versa as well. 

 

Now I understand that over time some grow to want something more. But most often, when you allow someone to get comfortable in a routine, it becomes that much harder to break the cycle. So you have to know your worth to the individual. 

 

And that doesn't always mean that if they fail to be open to setting clear expectations, they do you desire more for you or with you. Sometimes it just means that you have allowed something to occur for so long, that they've become accustomed to what it was, and fear change. Because change is not guaranteed to work. 

 

So knowing all of this, are you doomed to be situationally single forever?

 

Because believe me 20 year old situations, turn into either two year marriages or 40 year of situational marriages. Nothing changes but the added accessories. There's no boundaries, no expectations and no desire to change... 

 

Don't be situationally single, forever...

 

 

 

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