I love my black men, I swear I do, but I promise you, BLACK MAN, I do not walk around thinking I can be better than you!
Matter of fact, in life, one thing I am certain of, is that I do not compete with anyone other than myself.
I challenge myself with my goals. I monitor and track my own accomplishments, therefore my success is measured only by my will to be better than the person I was yesterday!
A BRIEF LOOK AT THE DEFINITION OF SUCCESS
Success is often measured in monetary value, I mean it's the American way; get rich, or die trying right? That's the mentality of most, if not all, Americans, therefore, the definition of success has been watered down to solely financial gain.
Garrett"Success should not be measured by the net worth of the people in the room with you, but by the net total of individual lives positively impacted by you!" -Audreyanna
DON'T TRY TO "ONE UP" ME
I found that in a couple of my previous relationships, there were men, who measured their success by comparing their success to mine. I also noticed that they'd try to impress me based on the level of success I portrayed, or what they believed/assumed me to have (while dating).
I understand that it can be intimidating for a women to have been published, have multiple Master degrees and/or professional success, but that doesn't mean that you (black man) have to match my success, in order to get my attention.
Not only that, but I've learned that any man who feels the need to "one up me", is not truly happy for me. Because this essentially means that you're competing with me, which I would never want a partner to do.
If you know me at all, you know for a fact that I'm known for being real, so let me be clear, while it is truth that I have been self-published 5 times, understand that this means that I did the publishing myself! I have no contract and no advances. I have no marketing team, etc. so the money or level of success it may appear that I have is not there, at least not yet.
I love to write, that's what I will continue to do for the rest of my life, but I am just not at the point where some people assume I am.
Additionally, I may have had great jobs, where I made a great living, but I, like most people, have experienced life, and all great things come to an end. It's life and it's inevitable. At some point in our lives, we are forced to work hard to rebuild, and that's usually what people see when they look at me. I'm not now, nor have I even been defeated by strife. I don't succumb to life's hardships, I persevere and move on.
Know that if you assume anything about me, assume that I'm just living the best way I can, and there's nothing to be intimidated about.
I have never once believed that people should compete and achieve monetary goals for a certain stature. Therefore, I'd never believe that two people will ever be in the exact same place financially, especially before marriage, or have the exact same level of success.
LET ME BE ME, AND LOVE YOU
What happened to idea of just loving someone genuinely for who they are?
Maybe we're all lost in a world where superficial is the new natural, so it's hard to figure out what to truth of someone is; but, we haven't lost our ability to ask questions, therefore we're allowing ourselves to be blinded by lies. Because if we make a choice not to actively get to know someone, than we take responsibility for being fooled. Period.
I'd honestly rather be single, than be in a relationship with a lie.
But I understand that acceptance is a lesson, and I had to learn to happily accept someone for who they are, and love them through their success, trials and tribulations. However, just my luck, it's hard for me to get a black man to love me that way in return.
I questioned often why it was so hard for men to accept me for who I am and where I was in my life...
At one point I thought it was me. I would try to determine what I did to make men feel inadequate, what I did for men to be unable to accept me in my success, etc. Then I realized that it wasn't me, it was them (black men). I realized that men have this idea of "the perfect time and perfect circumstance".
THE THEORY OF PERFECT TIME AND PERFECT CIRCUMSTANCE
In the mind of Black Men, I learned that they have to have all things together in order to be right for the person they want to pursue. And while I get this, I don't think it's fair for men to want to support a women through her struggle, and not allow her to support them through their struggle.
Let's face it, no matter how much we think we have it together in the beginning, the real task is in keeping it together...
Plus it's not enough that we all mature on/at different levels, but then we have to wait for the perfect time and circumstance, when you (black man) are ready to be an adult and have a family, to be in a relationship that you (black man) will actively participate in.
I will never understand why that has to be, when you can just let me be me, love me, and let me love you, through whatever it is that you are pursuing.
Many people don't realize but the longest lasting relationships are between individuals who've experienced hardship, know how their partners deal with hardship, and that support one another through those hardships.
Black man, please note that we don't have to compete for you to feel like you are the head, or the best. You can be the best version of yourself with me, and I like to think that I can contribute to assisting you become the best version of yourself.
Dear Black Man, I refuse to be in competition with you. We just work better together...