After speaking with a few decent men, who read my post, Where are all the good men?, I decided another letter was necessary.
Now if you haven't read Where are all the good men?, do yourself a favor and read it, before moving forward...
I really thought the point of Where are all the good men? would be evident. I assumed that it would be understood that I had become upset by the frequency of disrespect to us women, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc., that I had witnessed, either on social media, or in real life.
I thought it was clear how I couldn't understand the frequent use of such words like bitch, hoe, slut, etc. to defame us. And that, to turn insult to injury, we take most of the blame for "presenting" ourselves in a manner in which we are portrayed as such.
I was extremely disappointed at the lack of accountability by men, in general, but more specifically, the good men. The men we recognize as good, but fail to hold their friends accountable. The good men who fail to check their good friends, when they are being disrespectful to us (women). The good men who wouldn't dare discontinue relationships with men, who can't acknowledge that they devalue us with their behavior, egotism and lack of self control. The good men who laugh at the shared stories, amongst their guy friends, where they discuss how we would do anything for their attention, without realizing we were created to be their companion.
There's no doubt that we desire your love, affection, attention and all things in between. God made us for you, but somewhere along the way, you forgot that just because you should be King, you don't get to devalue us, for you to feel regal and useful!
Therefore, I asked this question to you, those "good men", how good are you?
It was then, and it still is crazy how comfortable some of us are, both men and women, with women being perceived and acknowledged as anything less than sacred. It's amazing how now we even embrace it, being free to be perceived as less than, like we chose it.
And if we fail to change, we'd be further perpetuating the mentality that degrading women is a reflection of the value we have for ourselves, and that there's nothing wrong with treating us the way we allow ourselves to be treated. But frankly, I just need you to understand, that just because I like to show my legs, doesn't mean I want you (men) between them.
But, despite what you think we portray, you fail to embrace the notion that loving and valuating us (women), despite how we perceive ourselves or how we have been conditioned to feel about ourselves, can provoke a positive response that encourages us to be better than expected...
Again, men if you don't respect us, you make it that much harder for us to respect ourselves.
And when we feel the need to be disrespected or allow ourselves to be degraded to "get your attention", we compromise our worth, and the very thing Eve was put on this earth with Adam to experience...
So, I wrote another letter to the Good Men who fail to recognize their role in the devaluation and perception of us, women...
I ask you again, GOOD MEN, where are you?
I know you're there somewhere, I just can't see you. I'm waving the flag, seek me, I need to talk to you...
Good Men, I acknowledged that I need you. All we want to do is love, and be loved by you.
I think it's crazy the hoops you make us jump through to get your attention. Because while I understand that time should be spent with the most precious, why is it a challenge for you to remind us just how sacred, we are to you? Or is it that we have devalued ourselves so much that we hold no value to you?
You do understand you play a role in this don't you? And if you don't, allow me to assure you, you do!
Do you believe it's that I don't understand you? Is it that you don't really care to love me like you used to? Is it that you want to blame my attitude? Because, if you do, you'd have to acknowledge my frustration with the control I wish not to give you...
See, you won't allow me to be vulnerable.
You don't allow me to love you through the most genuine place, you've instilled fear in my will to love, because you can't be faithful. You exert your force to get me to behave. I embarrass you, when I don't perform appropriately. When I can't be the puppet you master, you turn on me...
And in turn, you damaged me, by threatening to leave me.
Because you are a "Good Man" there is not going to be anything better. You won't change because the competition is either none existent, or doesn't matter. You use the "Good Man" card, to remind me, you're the best and I can't have better...
Good men, you want props for being decent, but you really don't treat us different. You won't step in and help us, women, when your friends are damaging to us. You dare not acknowledge that you aided another women's demise, because you'd argue it wasn't you, you didn't comment or perform "Bad Man" behavior so, in your mind you think, it had nothing to do with you.
You rationalize his disrespect toward me, and you think, "I can't tell another man what to do!" But I challenge you, think of the last man that had such a great influence on you. You have more of an influence than you think. If you open your mouth, you'd be the change we seek.
I need you, good man, though I can't seem to understand you. Because through it all, you say you love me, but you allow others to hurt, harm or define me, as anything but the best thing that ever happened to you!
You love us on trend and laugh at how willingly we change ourselves to, get next to you.
Have you noticed I changed my face, my hair, my ass, my breast and my size for you? When you wanted a homemaker, I was that for you. When you wanted someone smarter, I became more educated than you.
In every aspect of this life, I shape myself to appeal to you.
Yet, I find that my sisters and I, still can't get you to appreciate our value to you. We make ourselves uncomfortable, to be pleasing to you. Since what you love is not what we want to be, we rationalize comfort with ourselves, with the love we receive and/or hope to receive from you.
What happened to the days where you cherished us? When it was just you and I, and we didn't have anything but us, no clothes, etc.?
You accepted me as is, you didn't change me or make me be something I wasn't. You didn't challenge every desire I had that made you feel inferior or inadequate. You let me love you, as best I knew how. We were friends and shared our lives, free of judgment or expectation. We just walked aimlessly, learning and loving, together.
So I ask you again, Good Man, how good are you?
Are you willing to consider that it's time for you to take responsibility for being less than the "Good Man", you want me to believe you are, and accept that's the best I can do?
Good man, I challenge you, put your pride aside, stop using chivalry and "loyalty" as a tactic to redirect my attention from your lack of will to encourage all men to be better to us.
Good man, I challenge you to accept that you yourself can treat me better than you do!
Good man, I hope that you can accept, that I feel like you don't really love me, that you just want to show me how few my options are, so I can value you.
Good man, I hope you acknowledge that you only love me because you believe I can't do better than you. So you don't give me your best, because I've been conditioned to believe I'd never find another, willing to be a better man, than you...
Now don't get me wrong good man, I believe there is indeed good in you. But I need you to help us, women, get back to being valued by you...