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The irrationality of feelings...

September 26, 2018

I've always thought myself to be someone who has the capacity to be rational even in the midsts of having very strong feelings.

 

And that maybe because I was never a child to express outward emotion, so it makes sense that I would not outwardly express emotion as an adult. Well technically that was true until I lost a child. But before that, I could easily count how many times I had cried or expressed any emotion (besides anger) in my life.  

 

For those who know me well may argue that I am emotional, because I have an ability to be open and honest about my feelings, but to me, I don't believe that I am emotional. Solely because I have the ability to suppress emotions and/or process them relatively quickly.

 

Regardless, to this day it still takes a lot for me to be vulnerable (emotional), therefore it's safe to assume that there are very few times I allow myself to actively express emotion (but if I do, you mean a whole lot to me).

 

Anyway, because of this, it became very easy for me to identify when people respond out of emotion/feeling, versus logic.  

 

Now just because I don't show emotions, doesn't mean I don't have an ability to be sympathetic and empathetic. Not being vulnerable often doesn't mean you are emotionless, it more or less means that you have an ability to take in information, logically rationalize behavior and make decisions with equal amounts of emotion and logic (rational decision making). 

 

But even I have fallen victim to the irrationality of my feelings...

When I am in love (real love lol), I'm often not able to separate wants from needs. So things that I desire (want), I tend to associate them with needs, especially if I have a partner who is caring, accommodating and supportive. I can honestly say that I acted irrationally in a moment of fear and uncertainty, because I did not get a desired outcome. Sounds like a response of a child right? And that is definitely fair to say, but I realized that the state of hurt that I felt spoke to how much I valued the individual that provoked that response. But nonetheless, I learned that quick responses and actions submerged in feeling, are more often than not irrational.

 

So, when I took a moment to step back and look at the entire situation, I realized that I responded negatively out of hurt, and it yielded an outcome that was not truly want I needed or wanted...

So how we do get so far in our feelings that we become irrational and totally disregard logic? 


The answer is simple, we get so set on our truth and expected outcome, that anything outside of that we refuse to accept, so then we are upset or hurt, leaving us emotional and irrational.  

 

So how do we fix that?

 

CHECK YOUR EMOTIONS!

 

When you are emotionally charged, which is typically when you feel very adamant about something, you need to remind yourself that just because you feel so strongly of something doesn't make it right. That also doesn't mean it is going to happen the way you thought or want it to. 

 

And remember that just because you have strong feelings about something, whether anger/love/etc. doesn't mean that your feelings are appropriate.

 

There is a very fine line between emotion and rationale, and we need to be able to know to navigate the space in between.

 

Another thing to remember is...

 

YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS THE VICTIM! 

 

One of the hardest things for us, is to be able to relinquish the notion that we are not always right. Because when we believe so strongly that we are right and things don't happen as we plan/intended, we take on the "victim" role.  But most often we are not a victim of anything but allowing expectation to get our hopes up!

 

Also, when dealing with other people, we easily forget that the individual opposite of us, our reactions, our choices, etc. also has feelings. And as much as we want to believe that we are the only individual hurt, sad, angry, etc. that is hardly ever true.

 

But for those of us who only seek to identify how they have been victimized in situations, we have to also actively accept that our choices may have made us a victim. In turn leaving us a victim of own will, versus someone who is truly a victim of circumstances that were out of their control.  

 

Take away: Be thoughtful. Check your emotions by examining your expectations and understanding that your irrationality is more than likely your inability to accept the consequences of your own choices...

 

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