So, are you a successful single woman who cannot get or keep a man?
Maybe you're the women who is repeatedly saying...
"I am single because men are intimated by my success."
"I am single because I make more than him and he can't take it."
But no matter how you spin it, it all equates to the same thing... You're single due to your success.
And while these ideals may be true some of the time, the reality is that you may be more responsible for your relationship status (being single) than you are willing to admit!
As a successful woman I do not feel like my success is the reason why I am single.
WHY IS THAT YOU ASK…
Well the fact of the matter is that those of us women who are single, are typically single for reasons that have NOTHING to do with men being insecure about our success.
So if they're not insecure about our success, than what is it?
Now, brace yourself, because this may be a tough pill to swallow ladies. As I'm pretty sure we, independent and successful women, are SINGLE for one of two reasons,
1)either we make the choice not to be in a relationship (not give 100%) or 2)we make the choice not to compromise our success and independence to be in a relationship.
And that’s it!
Granted there's continued research to try and determine why it is that successful women find it hard to establish and maintain successful relationships, what is a common assumption is that men feel inferior, intimidated and/or insecure about our success. When in actuality that is NOT always true. Some women make the choice to focus on success and not a relationship. Or some women attempt to be in a relationship in the absence of compromise.
And even though we don't like to admit it, women in power just as much pride, as most men.
So most of us tend to have a hard time relinquishing that control in situations outside of work/office, e.g. our relationships. That which causes a strain, and leads to relationship failure.
Well, considering how hard women have to work for recognition, it's understandable that we desire constant validation. Validation that comes from work, by way of reinforcing our success or independence. But that same validation is typically sought and expected from romantic relationships as well.
So, we tend to blur the lines. Unfortunately failing to separate work from home. We want our man to treat us like our employees or our job. And because of the need for validation we tend to set expectations, based on current experiences, and call them standards, when in actuality it's just a level of expectation.
Standards and expectations are often confused, yet they are very different. Standards are ideas of behavior with moral consideration that is regarded as fair. And expectations are anticipated assumptions of behavior or response. Anticipated assumption being the key. Because when we expect something to happen, we have it set in our minds the way it should go. And once it does not go as "expected", we are immediately turned off.
Just in case you need an example of each, here goes...
STANDARD: Respect, Honesty & Chivalry are examples of standards women should set.
EXPECTATION: Make great money, "treat you like a queen", or you expect him to maintain composure even when you say outlandish things are examples of expectations that women have.
Now knowing this, take a moment to consider the last time you interacted with or dated a man. Were you treated in the way that you expected? Did he meet your standards?
Granted I know it's easy to automatically refer to the last man who was disrespectful, inconsiderate, and egotistical, etc., but I challenge you to think of the last good/decent man you've dated.
The man who is typically rejected by successful women. That not so good looking man who treated you with respect, was way too nice, or was decent looking but had nothing to offer you. What about him didn't you like? Did you stop talking to him because he didn't meet your expectations or standards?
And be honest. If your honest with yourself, you'd probably say you feel like you didn't do anything wrong. Or he just was not the right man or not your type.
But ladies, we must remember that men are only capable of loving us in the way they know how. And when a man is getting to know you, he doesn't know what you expect or what your standards are, unless you tell him. So it is expected that he may not always meet our expectations. Especially if never communicated.
So, we women tend to disregard his efforts because we believe that his capabilities do not align with our “standards”. When really, he did not meet our expectation!
"...Always 50/50 in relationships." -Destiny's Child
Even Destiny's Child knew that as an independent woman, in a relationship things should always be 50/50. I think most of us independent and successful women tend to forget because we don't "need" a man, we want one. And in order to keep a man that we want, we must remember relationships are all about compromise. And in order for a relationship to be successful, it needs to be comprised of one dominant and one submissive.
As women we often associate being submissive with being weak. But being submissive does not mean weak, however it does mean picking and choosing battles. Yet, most women tend to get offended by the term “submissive” when it is not meant to offend, but to be considerate to the fact that there is a need for compromise.
So ladies, if we want to be successful, independent and in a relationship, remember not to confuse expectations and standards.
Also don't forget that we choose, we make the choice to either focus on our success more than a relationship, or attempt to be in a relationship in the absence of compromise. Either way we need to consider relinquishing the expectation to dominate and be validated. There cannot be two dominate individuals in a healthy and happy relationship. So choose to lead or submit, but whatever your choice adjust your expectation accordingly.