I don't know about you, but I have spent some days thinking to myself, why hasn't "he" come to rescue me.
He being subjective, of course.
But, I know for me, I was waiting on a literal he. I was waiting on a man, because I thought that if he came back to me, he would save me, make me whole, and everything in my life that was wrong, would be better...
While talking to a friend of mine one day, I realized that I was waiting on someone to do something for me that I should have been doing for myself.
I realized that I wanted a man to be to me, what I needed to be for myself.
I came to understand that I was waiting on a man to fix me, when in retrospect, there was nothing that needed fixing.
I figured out, that I focused on all the wrong in my life, which took away from me actualizing all that was right.
I believe it was because change gives our lives purpose. So when I was focused on the wrong in my life, I had something to actively work on changing, and/or make better. I essentially had something to do. However, there was nothing really that needed changing, but my MINDSET!
Even after realizing that, I still I had to explore what I felt I needed to do to make my life "better".
I needed to explore the question, "What do I feel I need to change?"
I eventually concluded that change for me was centered more on how I wanted to feel. I wanted to be loved and let the idea of love shape my perception. I believed that the idea and/or feeling of love would help me be happier and see the world clearer. Yet, I quickly realized that would not be so.
I had to sit with myself, in stillness, and allow myself to actualize the real issues. I came to understand that I didn't need love from another to be happy, but what I needed was to accept all that had come to pass, and allow my experiences to empower me.
I needed to focus more on not allowing my mind to suggest that I was less than, because I desired to focus more on what I had not done, what I did not have, and/or where I had not been. I realized I didn't need to be RESCUED, only that I needed to accept the reality of me!
I think we often do this, though, we think about all the bad, and give all our energy to all the things that we need to change, things we do not have and things we need to do to make it "better". We continuously self-talk ourselves out of acknowledging our progress because we choose to focus on our deficits. We then expect someone else to save us from ourselves, when in actuality we need to save ourselves.
We often look to other people examine our progress and success. First important component of embracing the notion of "saving yourself" is to STOP THAT!
Stop comparing yourself to others.
Stop measuring your level of success to others!
We live in a world filled with individuals with varying cultural backgrounds, experiences, morals, values and ethical standards. Experiences and opportunities vary from person to person.
Realistically, it is hard to randomly select two people who have identical backgrounds (stories) and experiences that ended up in the same profession at the same level of success. So, how can you compare yourself to someone else? And why would you want to?
If I got into the why, this post may turn into a book, but for the sake of limiting my words, lol, I will say this, some of us willingly compare ourselves to others and measure our success to others, because we don't have identified goals for ourselves.
When you don't set individual goals and/or identify your purpose, it is easy for you to compare yourself and your success to others.
What I had to learn is that comparisons are just like generalizations, they are aren't all encompassing. They don't account for your resilience, challenges and obstacles. Because no two individuals challenges are the same. No two people have the same resilience, nor endure the same obstacles in their pursuit of success.
I realized that I had to re-focus and/or re-purpose the energy I put into comparing myself to others. I realized I needed to find a way to self-reflect without self-bashing.
But, how do you assess your progress without damaging your motivation to move forward?
The answer when initially pondered was difficult, but once I thought about it fundamentally, the answer was easy.
I simply needed to remind myself that I was still in love with myself, and proud of where I had been and what I had gone through.
I had to accept that my life lessons were just as much of an important part of my journey as the things I didn't have and had not experienced. I realized that everything shaped me, and that it all would contribute to identifying the fundamental principles of life. Which in turn allowed me to be encouraged to be accepting of and rededicate myself, to loving myself!
"The hardest person to accept, is YOURSELF!"-AudriWrites
I still believe one of our greatest challenges in life will be to learn to accept ourselves and others.
Whether we choose to accept ourselves, our journeys, or pain, etc., it will be the hardest thing we will ever have to do, simply because with acceptance comes acknowledging we are less than. No one likes acknowledging their deficits, so needless to say, we refuse to accept ourselves because we'd prefer to ignore that we're less than perfect and need to change.
But, just like Christians chose to rededicate themselves to God, we have the responsibility to accept ourselves and rededicate our time to loving ourselves, deficits and all.
Self-love can make or break you. Lack of self-love is the reason people justify being treated poorly, abused and/or can't identify their worth.
Reading my blog posts, I know many of you realize the intent of sharing the content is to make the work seem easy, however, I know that when you are actively trying to apply the concept of saving yourself, accepting yourself and self-love rededication, it's hard. Therefore it's important to be patient with yourself and know that it takes time.
So, stop allowing your mind and your perception of others to make you feel inadequate and/or less than. Everything that has happened to you, has happened for a reason. Find a way to accept it and use it to be better, and know that no one can rescue you, the way you can rescue yourself!