As much as I speak on acceptance in my posts, I only recently realized that I should share some tools that I learned that enabled me to understand the role and importance of self-acceptance, as well as how to be more active in the acceptance of others.

When asked, "Do you accept yourself?" Most of us would immediatley answer yes, without hesitation and/or question. The same would be true if someone asked you if you loved yourself; the automatic response would be "Yes." However, while I understand acceptance is something we all think we are capable of doing without work, I learned the hard way that acceptance is not achievable without 100% active ongoing effort.

True acceptance, whether you are trying to accept yourself or others, cannot be achieved without active effort. The keyword is "active". We have to constantly and consciously make an effort to be accepting. We have to remember that being accepting requires a level of humility, emotional maturity and individual awareness. Self-acceptance not only requires greater self-awareness but also accountability. You have to be able to first know who you are to be able to articulate that to others. As well, when trying to recognize acceptance, you need accountability so you are realistic about all that you are.

Fundamentally for most, we cannot accept others or have a hard time accepting others, because we do not yet accept ourselves. We don't have a sufficient level of self-awareness, accountability and emotional maturity. Ultimately, in order to accept others, we have to understand and know what feelings of acceptance are and why they are important.

But we all battle with achieving that level of growth. And depending on our individual journey, we are all at different stages in the process. It's important to learn when you need to separate and focus on developing yourself, so that you can operate in full confidence, self-love, self-awareness, emotional intelligence and accountability. Ultimately, helping you navigate understanding the power of accepting others.

In my experience, I realized how little about my self I accepted becuase I was not accepted by others. From this I had to learn that I needed to really become aware of who I truly was and wanted to be in order to accept myself. From accepting myself, I was able to recognize that who I wanted to be was not always who others wanted me to be. But that other people's opinions should never impact how I perceive myself, how I engage with or my willingness to accept others. I intentionally chose solace to support my developmental journey.

HERE ARE 3 THINGS I LEARNED IN SOLITUDE!

I. WHAT BEING ACCEPTED SHOULD LOOK LIKE!

At about 25 or 26 years old, I remember conversing with a friend and being told some things/qualities about myself that I admired. But it wasn't until that moment that I realized someone, somewhere, was capable of appreciating the person that I was and chose to be. I was elated that I was being complimented for the very things (possessed qualities) I was told growing up that I should change. That experience was very powerful and impactful to my journey of growth. That experience illustrates how much power resides in the act of acceptance. To know that you are loved, admired, and praised for being you without changing one thing empowers independence and cultivates a greater self-appreciation and love. But for many of us, we need to be accepted by someone else first to realize it's OK to accept ourselves.

II. THE HARD TRUTHS!

To accept ourselves, however, there are three fundamental truths we must face...:

I. You are not perfect!

II. You are not always considerate.

III. You are not always RIGHT!

I wish I had a penny for every person who could identify the deficits of others but fails to acknowledge their deficits (lack of self-awareness and accountability). It's so easy to attack others when we want them to understand how they have wronged us, but fail to accept that we need to grow, learn and develop when we fail or wrong others. Instead of exercising accountability, we default to defensiveness. We assume "they just don't understand us", and we refuse to listen.

Sometimes, you have to say, "I'm not perfect" or "I'm not always right" aloud to realize you still have growing to do. And then be intentional about actioning accountability through learning from and improving faults. Not to the point of perfection, but genuine effort to improve.

III. THE IMPORTANCE OF ACTIVE EFFORT!

True acceptance, of yourself and by others, requires an ongoing commitment to growth and the humility to recognize that you are not perfect. People generally understand that you will make mistakes, fall short at times, and not always be considerate or right. Those who genuinely care about you often accept these imperfections long before you fully accept them in yourself. Active effort means not becoming complacent in that acceptance. It’s the willingness to remain self-aware, open to feedback, and intentional about how your behavior affects others (developing emotional intelligence). Acceptance isn’t something you passively receive; it’s something you continuously earn through accountability, empathy, and effort.

So how do you make an active effort to both accept yourself and be accepted by others?

It starts with humility. Being accepted requires acknowledging your own flaws while extending the same grace to others. This is where the principle behind the Golden Rule becomes foundational. When you treat others with the same understanding, patience, and respect you hope to receive, you are actively facilitating reciprocation and contributing to mutual acceptance.

At the end of the day, if you desire acceptance, you must be equally responsible for offering it—consistently, intentionally, and without condition.

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