Feeling or Fact?
Have you been wondering why you can't make sense of things?
Ever wonder why everything hurts your feelings?
Do you constantly question your emotions?
If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, than this post is for you.
First, I want to remind you that there are several different types of people in the world, and depending on who you are, and the type of person you encounter; how you all relate, and how you respond (in general) will be different.
TYPE I:those who use feelings as rationale (those incapable of separating feeling from rationale), Type II:those who operate without both feeling and rationale, Type III: those who are capable of properly balancing both rationale and feeling in decision making.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?
Well, individuals who use feelings as rationale struggle with constantly questioning their choices and are emotional about everything.
Individuals who operate in the absence of both feeling and rationale are very literal, unapologetic, and often regarded as inhumane. Very similar to someone who operates with rational only. Those individuals are typically unable to empathize or sympathize with others. (We unfortunately have a great example of this in office currently.)
Individuals who operate with feeling only are void of any logic, view life's choices as frivolous and seek self-satisfaction (to feel good) at all costs. These individuals too have their feelings hurt often, without even recognizing that their feelings are hurt.
Individuals who are capable of maintaining balance between rationale and feelings are objective, level headed, capable of accepting faults, dealing with consequences, arguing points of view (with consideration to fact) and managing emotional responses.
Without defining both feelings and rationale (I choose not to insult your intelligence), I think that we can concluded that it's important to have a healthy balance between rationale and feeling when making decisions, and maintaining fairness.
WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IN LIFE?
Learning to separate feeling from rationale assists us with identifying and accepting "fact"!
A psychologist said it best, "the trick is to learn how to differentiate between feelings that are born out of our imagination and those that are real and verifiable." (Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.)
However, for majority of us this is very difficult.
We are challenged with being able to distinguish feeling from facts everyday, but because we regard our feelings as real and tangible, most often to the point where we believe that feelings are facts.
So when the psychologist refers to feelings "born out of our imagination", he means that we are using our feelings as rationale, despite their validity.
Which is the same as telling someone you just met they are mean, because they said something that hurt your feelings, even though what was said may have been true.
Because your feelings were hurt, you justify calling that individual mean, even though the proof doesn't support the claim. Even though we had to admit it, just because it hurts, doesn't mean it's a fact...
HOW DO WE SEPARATE FEELING AND RATIONALE?
We have to first accept that we encounter feelings in every situation. Feelings that drive our day to day activities, so we can't escape feelings, we simply have to learn, as the psychologist stated, to recognize feeling from facts.
Consider this: rationale is what gets you up, out of bed and into work every single day, regardless to how you feel, because you understand that your livelihood is at stake.
Adversely, feelings are what keep you home on days you allow your desire to lay in bed, exceed your concern for the consequence.
In this situation you can't properly justify staying at home, with any other reason besides "I felt like it". And that's ok because that's clearly how you felt, but that doesn't mean that it was a fact that you should have stayed at home that day...
So again, feelings drive our day to day activities, so we can't escape feelings, we simply have to, as the psychologist stated, "learn how to differentiate between feelings that are born out of our imagination and those that are real and verifiable." (Barton Goldsmith Ph.D.).
What we need to work on is recognizing and accepting facts (truth) so that we don't get our feelings hurt so often. This in turn will allow us to make decisions and respond in situations rationally (in the absence of feeling) when appropriate. It's not that you can't acknowledge that you may have had your feelings hurt, it's just making sure you are rational in the way you respond to that hurt.
No one knows you better than you know yourself, so don't let what someone else says, especially if you know it's true, hurt you. What's the sense in that. Regard it as a fact and move on...
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