Have you ever paid attention to how quickly someone is able to offend you?
Humor me: If you have not, allow yourself to consider for a moment, the circumstances surrounding the last time you took offense.
Then consider the following:
Did you expect a different result than the one that you received?
Did you desire a reaction or something that you didn't receive?
Did you accept that person's opinion or feelings?
For most, when one is offended it has a great deal to do with one's pride and the value and ideal that he or she places on their value/worth in the other person's life (as well as their own).
In other words, consider the following example, if you are conversing with a significant other, you typically expect that they value your opinion, feelings, needs, wants, etc. Especially if married right? You may expect that your husband or wife will without a shadow of a doubt hold you in high regard. So when you are put in a situation to where they disregard your opinion, feelings, needs, wants, etc., you take offense pretty easily.
But hindsignt is 20/20. Remember that you should not have to expect anything from others. Therefore, it should be ok that he/she does not agree with you or see things the same way as you. And if you made it to marriage with someone who often easily offends you, it's time to have a hard conversation. Becuase ideally the partner who values you, your opinin, feelings, needs, wants, etc. will say and act in that manner automatically, without being prompted. They'd very rarely (if ever) offend you or let you down.
When dealing with others (in general) we should remember that people are entitled to their own thoughts (opinions) and feelings. And we need to learn to recognzie when others act out or respond to us out of fear, hurt or anger, versus just merely disagreeing with us. Because while there are individuals who act out of spite to purposefully offend, for most, it's a matter of not allowing ourselves to understand and accept someone else's voice.
SO, HERE ARE A FEW THINGS TO CONSIDER:
When you find yourself in a scenario where you have been offended by someone, ask yourself the following:
1. What words or phrase hurt you exactly?
2. Why is being accepted by this person important to you?
3. Why does being rejected by this person affect you?
4. Why does that individual's feelings matter?
5. Is it an issue to agree to disagree?
6. Are you being unreasonable?
7. Are you overreacting?
Now let's look at each question.
Question one allows us to explore the very words that hurt or offended us. It also gives us a look into our insecurities, same as questions two and three. Because if you want to be accepted by someone more than you've accepted yourself, you still have a lot of self work to do. But answering the questions of acceptance and rejection allows you to identify and confront the insecurity head on.
Question four allows you to explore the value and worth you have placed on the other individual in your life. It helps you identify if that person's opinion is considered more than your own. And once you realize this, you can adjust your mindset accordingly.
And sad to say that question number five speaks to the petty that dwells in us all. By asking this question you challenge yourself to be the bigger person by considering if you should just move on and accept that you and the other party may never agree on said topic.
Questions six and seven are worded differently, but they both allow for you to examine the same information. Each question allows you to explore your role in how easily you became offended. Did you overact or are you being unreasonable? If you are honest and answer yes to one of these, you need to LET IT GO! It's possible that the other person didn't offend you, you just blew things way out of proportion because you are too self involved to hear someone else.
Depending on the situation, you'll realize that within these seven questions you'll be able to pin point the root of what offended you and how you can achieve resolve. Because again for many, being offended is more about you and how you receive information, than it is about what someone else said to you.
SHARE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW!