ANGER MANAGEMENT 101: COVID-19 Series
I know we are all experiencing increased levels of frustration and anger due to COVID-19 so I decided that I'd like to share with you all a few things that we don't necessarily consider when we think about anger.
Because usually when upset we zone in on the thing, person or people that we hold responsible for our anger, and it takes us away from considering our role in that.
I know some would argue that you can't or won't anger yourself, but we do this all the time. Especially if we have not chosen to actively disengage or participate in things that could result in anger. And while we may not consciously choose to become angry, the decision to remain angry is certainly within our control.
So here are 5 things you may not know contribute to anger!
Pride is a very intense admiration from others and/or notoriety. The intensity pride determines the level of dissatisfaction (and anger) you will allow yourself to experience. And the anger that you experience is directly impacted (provoked) by the loss of that notoriety or intense admiration from others.
Because that is where you hold your value.
When are prideful, you allow others to contribute to establishing your worth, and you can easily lose sight of who you are in the absence of those people or that notoriety. In other words, when you lose that attention from others you lose yourself.
That anger is often misplaced as well, and we believe we're angry at others, without realizing that we're really angry at ourselves...
Passion does not have a negative connotation usually, but when you think about it, anything done in excess is negative.
Passion is very intense emotion and passionate individuals have a very strong attachment to passion. They want to feel it and yearn it to feel "real" or "alive". Therefore in the absence of passion they feel null and void.
Passion yields to anger in the moments it is not received or reciprocated. There is an intense desire for something that we can't not have and it's more or less the loss of control that angers.
This can be combatted by exploring the reasons for intense passion, and acknowledging that you don't have control over others and over outcomes.
We must choose to giver ourselves room to anticipate the undesired.
Until this very moment a lot of people didn't regard envy as a factor for anger. Because those who are envious of others don't necessarily see their envy as what it is.
Envy according to Google is "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck."
With that being said, we like to redirect our envy onto others and regard them as "insecure" or "unhappy", "ungrateful" or "undeserving" when in fact we are hating because we feel that their experience should be our own. We essentially desire what has not been given to us.
The only way to combat envy is to come to terms with you, your life and your destiny (purpose). If you have identified your purpose you don't go around wishing and hoping to live a life that is for someone else.
It think it's important to remember that everyone has a season in life for greatness and if you haven't experienced your season it could be that you may yet be in a place to receive it and acknowledge it for what it is.
Everyone's peace and happiness does not look the same...
I know you all are probably tired of hearing me speak about expectations but here it is again. Expectations (as I have shared with you all before) contributes to disappointment, but it too contributes to anger.
Just think about all the times you have been very upset due to something not going your way. Or how often you allow your disappointment to fuel rage?
The idea is to allow yourself to be more open. The challenge is to give yourself tools to be able to accept that the path that you choose may not be the one for you.
RELUCTANCE TO CHANGE
Change is so great, but when we don't want it, don't anticipate it and can't adapt to it, it is very very difficult. So much so that often times we get extremely angry because of our unwillingness to accept and/or adapt to change.
Reluctance to change stems from fear of loosing control or predictability. That which many of us regard as "stability".
Because we live in a world of structure and routine many of us thrive on knowing what will happen next. But that doesn't really help us in the real world. Because we live in an unpredictable world.
Take for instance this pandemic, who saw that coming?
The idea is to be open to change and shifts. It's possible to function in a routine world knowing that there's a possibility change can happen at any moment.
Each of these (and in some cases a combination of these) contribute to our fits of rage and/or anger, but it is solely up to us to CHOOSE to check ourselves. It's up to us to identify the source of our anger in order to figure out how to move on from it.
When you realize that you are a very prideful person, explore that. Identify the source. Explore other ways to give yourself value so you don't long for acceptance of others so much that you feel worthless.
If you find that you are envious of others, allow yourself to explore that. Identify the source. Come up with other ways to be more accepting of your life and what you have.
If you find that your intense passion is keeping others from you and or yielding undesired results, explore that. Identify the source and allow yourself to be open to the idea that your level of passion may be unhealthy.
Be more open to change and remember that expectations are catalyst for disappointment.
"Anybody can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody's power and is not easy." -Aristotle
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