Healing a Broken Spirit: Steps to Release and Repair

Introduction

In a world where divisiveness and hatred are plentiful, we are faced with learning how to navigate the unknown and negative perceptions, actions, and behaviors of others. Therefore, because we have little control over how others perceive, respond to, and behave toward us, the lack of control over what we experience acts as a catalyst for broken spirits, subsequently damaging will and motivation.

Those who have read and supported my blog for some time are aware of the brief post I composed a while back regarding learning the difference between a broken spirit and a broken heart. For those interested in reading the post, it can be found HERE. What that post offers is a brief and specific distinction between a broken heart and a broken spirit in the context of love. This post, however, will generalize the definition of a "broken spirit" to offer steps for mending broken spirits by releasing what we can't control and repairing self-esteem.

Defining "Broken Spirit"

Revisiting the definition, a broken spirit is typically bred from feelings of failure or inadequacy, whether self or externally imposed. Feelings of failure and inadequacy that cultivate emotional toil/burden. Thus, when our spirit is broken, we allow ourselves to be consumed with exaggerated disappointment. That disappointment presents (symptomatology) in several different ways, via one or more of the following:

1. Sadness

2. Fear/Anxiety

3. Loneliness/Withdrawal/Isolation

4. Hopelessness

5. Anger/Hostility

6. Frustration/Defeat

7. Insecurity/Inadequacies

8. Low/No motivation

The intensity of one's experience may vary. However, what remains true is that often these feelings are first imposed on us by the perceptions and actions of others. In addition to a lack of perceived control over shifting the perceptions, actions, or behavior of others, which further intensifies these feelings. Therefore, it's essential to recognize that if we allow others' perceptions to be processed internally as true, we fall victim to negative psychological cycles. Cycles where we allow external perceptions to dictate how we see ourselves and moderate our behavior as we navigate engaging with others. That is why understanding the cause of the brokenness and exercising the power of choice is so important. It's not about choosing to ignore the reality of one's experience, but to recognize where exactly there lies control to shift how that experience is internalized and presented in future behavior.

Understanding the Cause of Brokenness

Brokenness manifests in many ways. Therefore, understanding the cause of brokenness is important in the healing process. This one can be a bit tricky for non-psychology scholars, so I will offer some advice as a cheat code. Essentially, it's important to understand that issues typically have both a contributing internal and external component. Internally, self-perception plays a role in how quickly we accept or reject the opinion of others. Externally, the perceptions and actions of others impact us, yet we have no control over others. In external instances, we only have control over how we respond. And our response speaks to the level of self (internal) awareness that we hold. See how it's intertwined and goes full circle?

Thus, uncovering whether there's an internal battle with self-identity, self-esteem, or self-acceptance, or whether externally imposed stereotypes, racism, prejudice, or oppression are at play, helps provide a starting point for identifying areas of focus. It will also help highlight the choices that should be made during the release and healing process. For example, depending on your experience, the choices one may have to respond can be one or more of the following:

• Providing clarity through sharing specifics about actions or perceptions to educate on cultural experiences.

• Writing a letter to inform of unprofessional behavior.

• Accepting and acknowledging that stereotypes, prejudices, and bias are culturally accepted and applied (or practiced) and therefore internally reject the implications.

• Verbally acknowledging a lack of desire to "engage" in unconstructive discussion.

• Respectfully acknowledge disagreement and withdraw from the discussion or encounter.

• Intentionally choose to work in spaces where you are valued, respected, and seen.

Furthermore, it's equally important to reflect on how and why one's perception may shift to align with that of others. Or whether one takes on outside (external) perceptions as truth. The result of reflection can illustrate whether one chooses to remain in a broken space due to a lack of confidence, low self-esteem, or a lack of self-acceptance, or whether it is a result of seeking acceptance from others. And for anyone who suggests that statement may come across as victim-blaming, I would suggest that may be most true for those who lack self-accountability.

Because in a world where you can't control anyone, recognizing where you can develop greater control over yourself is paramount!

Embracing the Uncontrollable

Before I jump into the discussion on the power of choice, release, and healing, I think it's essential to understand the root of controlling behavior. Therefore, I want to address control issues to facilitate learning how to embrace the uncontrollable. The need to control truly rests in the desire for safety, stability, and consistency. Those who seek to control every aspect of their experience and the behaviors of others are often responding to severe trauma where a lack of control resulted in physical, psychological, or emotional harm. Thus, it is essential to recognize that attempting to strictly control others may initially feel more effective, but it does not address the root of the issue. It will also not guarantee that you won't encounter an individual who is more controlling. Therefore, it is essential to acknowledge a reality where, at any given moment, we are subject to experiences and encounters with individuals that are beyond our realm of control.

The challenge of navigating the unexpected is that one may be unequipped to create healthy boundaries and response patterns in the moment. In other words, healthy response patterns are developed over time, where more experiences build up tolerance and conditioned responses. Thus, the first experience is often the most challenging to navigate. And in the absence of self-awareness, you may not recognize this pattern. Therefore, it's important to examine instances where accepting negative perceptions, actions, and behaviors of others is a default. Defaulting to relying on others to shape self-perception suggests a disconnect from individuality, identity, and esteem. Because where there is self-awareness, identity, worth, and esteem, there's very little that external parties can do or say to distort or change that perception. Ultimately, having little power to impact how one responds.

In short, embracing the uncontrollable means leaving room for error and preparing to more easily accept circumstances over which we have no control, but only the response. That response illustrates the choice between remaining burdened and releasing (healing).

Understanding the Power of Choice

The power of choice exists to illustrate growth. Choices reveal where we learn from or reject learning from our experiences. Ultimately, choice provides opportunities and illustrates patterns of destructive or healthy behavior. With this power, we choose whether to accept, remain, or release and move on from feelings of burden, discomfort, disappointment, and emotional toil. With emphasis on acceptance, release, and moving forward, because these facilitate healing.

It is also equally important to recognize that sometimes our choices are catalysts for emotional burdens. And for clarity, failing to take action (or make a choice) is also a choice. Choosing to remain a victim of circumstance suggests that we may be seeking acceptance or praise. To a psychology scholar, that need signals a deeper internal issue, and a need to understand the cause of brokenness. Thus, the power of choice includes first recognizing the deficits (the cause of brokenness), and then intentionally choosing to heal by releasing the emotional burdens.

Releasing the Emotional Burden

This post does not offer one-size-fits-all solutions, as I share in most of my posts, because it's essential to recognize the vast differences within each of our experiences and personalities. Therefore, how we choose to release emotional burdens will look different. What I can offer is some ways that may help you on that path. The recommendations I will make acknowledge that releasing emotional burden involves self-assessment of one's identity, perceived worth, and self-esteem, as well as the choice to heal.

There are a few actions/practices that can support self-assessment: 1) journaling, 2) mindfulness and meditation, and 3) therapy. Each offers an opportunity for self-assessment and reflection to examine identity, worth, and esteem, which prompts healthy adjustments in behavior where needed. Ultimately, these practices should provide clarity on where improvements can be made, allowing individuals to embark on a journey of greater self-development.

Repairing Self-Esteem, Identity & Worth

For those interested in understanding the components of repairing self-esteem, identity, and worth, I will share helpful tips to guide discovery and repair. However, it's essential to understand the distinctions between esteem, identity, and worth.

Self-esteem is a personal (subjective) opinion of oneself, contributing to confidence displayed when engaging with others. That confidence illustrates the level of security one finds in knowing who they are, what they are capable of, and how valuable they can be. However, self-esteem is negatively influenced and fluctuates with experiences of trauma, success, failure, and negative perceptions and behaviors of others. Self-esteem is also a crucial factor in self-love because it helps individuals identify, embrace, and appreciate their identity. Damaged self-esteem is reflected in daily motivation (or the lack thereof) and personal choices. Healthy self-esteem should be unwavering and unconditional.

Self-identity refers to what we perceive, feel, and think about ourselves, shaped by our history, upbringing, and experiences. Having a strong identity enables healthy self-esteem, where identity is a personal understanding of who you are, where you come from, and who you choose to be. Identity and esteem work in tandem because the more we know about who we are, where we come from, and who we choose to be, the easier it is to be confident in presenting ourselves in that way. Therefore, the stability of our self-esteem and identity represents a strong sense of self, self-worth, and confidence in being authentic and consistent.

Self-worth is complete self-acceptance for all qualities (whether good or bad), is steadfast, and does not waver based on encounters with others. Self-worth is shown through the choices you make and how you encourage others to treat you. Self-worth suggests that the way you love and value yourself is expected of others when interacting with you. Thus, repairing self-esteem, identity, and worth must be intentional and purposeful.

As this post serves as a resource for healing a broken spirit, here are a few tasks/actions that support repairing self-esteem, identity, and worth:

• Connecting with your origin story, uncovering your history, reflecting on your upbringing, and the relationships that played a key role in shaping who you are today.

• Modeling the behaviors of the person you choose to identify as. This also includes recognizing the behaviors you chose to steer clear of and acknowledging whether you've been consistent in doing so (accountability).

• Uncovering hobbies, talents, skills, strengths, and weaknesses. (s

• Setting and achieving obtainable goals that illustrate your capacity to grow or improve existing skills, hobbies, and talents. Celebrating even the small wins!

• Avoid making frequent comparisons between yourself and others.

• Respectfully setting clear and healthy boundaries for yourself and others.

• Practice positive self-talk (positive affirmations) to challenge and reframe negative self-talk.

• Developing a mental and physical health routine that can be practiced daily, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly.

• Cultivating a network of like-minded individuals who are in places and spaces you aspire to be and who hold you accountable to being the best version of yourself.

• Consulting a therapist.

Conclusion

With the expanded definition of a broken spirit, we've explored how feelings of failure and inadequacy cultivate emotional toil/burden. It's the feelings that we must explore to further uncover the cause of brokenness. Once we've identified the causes, we can determine what steps best align with our healing goals. Therefore, understanding the power of choice means recognizing that we have little control over how others perceive us, but we do have control over how we perceive ourselves. Which in turn can moderate how others perceive, behave, and treat us. Furthermore, we reserve the right to reject negativity and heal the causes of brokenness by choosing to forgive, extend grace, and break cycles of emotional turmoil.

I do hope this post serves as a helpful tool on your growth and development journey!

Please share your thoughts below!