The older I get the more I recognize the value in acting with intention and seeking those who interact with me intentionally. In recent conversations with my girlfriends I discovered how many of us are actively working on recognizing the difference between those who seek partnerships or relationships with us superficially, versus those who are acting with intention.
What does this mean?
Well simply put, we're trying to make sure we don't waste our time with people who don't have any intention to pursue us purposefully.
I gather that many of you reading this post in your late 20's or 30's feels the same way, so I wanted to create a post specifically for those of us trying to make the intentions of others easily identifiable.
I have come to realize is that there are three essential components or traits of an individual who acts with intention, one being presence, two patience and three persistence. Each of which I will discuss in detail below. But before I do that, I want to make sure that we understand that not all people who act with intention have good intentions. So we need to first make sure that our expectations are aligned with traits and qualities of someone who has good intentions versus bad intentions.
THE GOOD VERSUS THE BAD!
We all want someone who is really into us, want to be around us, delights in us for who we are and genuinely take interest in us. But let's be frank, there are people in this world who only seek to take from us (whether it be energy, love, etc.) for their own personal gain and benefit. Those are the individuals with bad intention. Because although they may not be bad people, broken people who intentionally want to heal themselves tend to gravitate toward those of us who are healed, happy and doing well. And because for many of us our good wants to help them find their good, we take on all their negative energy, baggage and brokenness, and allow it to manifest in our lives before we even realize it. We reluctantly learn that individual was not intending to be good to us, but only seeking to use us so they can find good for themselves...
I know some of you are thinking, "Wow, this happened to me." And that is because while in your search for people who act intentionally, you discovered someone with bad intention. Yet because you hoped to see the best in the individual, you overlooked the bad intention of that individual.
But today you learn the difference between those with good and bad intention. Today you will be able to spot the broken and understand that being someone's friend now is better then getting into a relationship that will ultimately cause you harm later.
So in efforts to start giving more consideration to long term outcomes instead of immediate outcomes, here are some key traits of individuals with good intentions versus those with bad intentions.
Traits of people with GOOD INTENTIONS: Well mannered, respectful, polite, generous, patient, kind, consistent, considerate, honest, don't take things for-granted and supportive (compliments others when deserved).
Traits of people with BAD INTENTIONS: Lack empathy, hurt others to get what they want, lying, inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered (self-serving), irrational, impatient, disrespectful, unaware of how their actions impact others and flaky.
Now having a reference for establishing appropriate expectations, we can easily identify individuals in our lives with good intentions; and start releasing all those individuals in our lives with bad intentions.
Now remember I said there are three essential components or traits of an individual who acts with intention, one being presence, two patience and three persistence, it's time for us to get a clearer picture of those behavioral traits. I'll further clarify below...
This one should be self explanatory but because some of us are new to this and/or like to believe in things (signs) and manifest things that are not for their good, to satisfy their immediate desires (instant gratification), I will speak on this in detail.
Someone who wants to be with you, wants to pursue you and is intentional in their interactions will be present. When I say present I mean they will show up for you, answer for you, be genuine with you, and try for you.
Now I am by no means saying expect someone to be present all the time. People go through things, people need you to be present for themselves as well, and an individual who can't maintain this balance is not ready for a relationship, let alone a forever partnership. So, it is important that you make a conscious effort NOT to be selfish in your expectation. But know to recognize that if someone values you, they will interact with you intentionally and be present as much as allowed. They will show you in their actions and words that they are trying to be present with you. They will watch you. They will assess your mood, body language and needs and make sure they attend to them.
It won't be forced, but you will see that they are attentive and hear you. Some of us also label this as "being seen"...
Someone that is genuinely riding for you and wants you in their life will be patient with you. They will be understanding and grateful. They won't be "pressed for time" or in a hurry to reach marriage. They will take their time making sure that you have everything you need to feel comfortable with and throughout the process.
Similarly, you will return the same actions to that individual, if you identify that person as a potential forever mate.
But what I find most often, is that many of us believe that men/women who act with intention don't wait. Yet, that's not necessarily true. We too assume that people who take their time proposing or establishing "titles" in relationships are confused or uncertain. That is not always the case. And again is not necessarily true.
Those are expectations that we have placed on individuals that we identify as our forever mate. We assume they will be so certain that they won't have any reservations. Which is scary if you think about it. Especially because we are human and flawed beings, if someone is with you for 6 months and have no reservations about marrying you within one year of knowing each other, that should be a concern. Why? Because that individual may have some bad intentions that you have yet to identify.
However, when blinded by our expectations and instant gratification, we can't see that in the forefront. Then we become more focused on our desired goal (instant gratification) and end up wasting our time. But know this, someone who is patient, is also considerate, careful and calculated. They are observant and OK with taking their time to ensure that they are making a decision that is not only best for themselves, but also for you.
Patient people are considerate people, and it is highly recommended NOT to rush patient individuals. Patience looks different on someone with good intention. Impatience (if you noticed) is also a sign of someone who may have bad intentions (selfish or self-serving motives).
However, if you feel they are moving way too slow for your liking, you may need to look at how you are interacting with them. Because although you may be comfortable, it may be them who is not so comfortable with you!
Time has no bearing on comfort. Comfort has no bearing on titles. And titles obviously have no bearing on long term commitments...
Number three is like the golden egg of this post. It's the one thing that everyone knew would be on the list, but also, unfortunately, it's the one thing that people often mistake for "consistency". Sorry to disappoint, consistency is not listed for a very good reason...
Persistence is also often mistaken for being negative, commonly referred to as "the harasser", someone who won't give up, or some other title (colloquialism) given to it by the latter generations.
What we don't realize about persistent people is that they are confident, they are determined and positively motivated. Persistent people are purposeful, with a strong desire and faith that they will reach a set goal. I don't know about you, but if you're looking for someone with good intentions, persistence should be the first trait you hope to identify!
But just for clarity, I will address the difference between consistency and persistence. Consistent, according to Google, means behaving or acting the same way or doing something the same way over time, while persistence means continuing to do something despite difficulties and challenges.
Persistence is a trait of intentional people because it is reassurance that they have what it takes to give you and the forever partnership that you seek, every ounce of effort. And that's the most necessary trait of a successful partnership.
And if you don't agree with me, feel free to ask the experts!